Im Sorry.....

i have been giving a lot of thoughts about me and ec... i really dunnoe if we should patch... i noe this will hurt u a hell lot. and so i'm sorry... though things between me and ec are more or less ok le, i dunnoe if we should be together ever again... i really love u. but i dunnoe how much. i dunnoe if i'll take good care of u... i dunnoe if there can be a us... my heart is not sure and my brain says no. i dunnoe wad to do...

as i browse through all those letters u gave me, i really noe how much u love me. i noe how much u want us to be together. i noe how u feel... but i dunnoe whether we should be together... there's a big world out there, many other better guys... many other different pple who might be better than me.

i think we should not see each other. cos when i see u, i fall in love with u again and i dun want tt to happen, cos it is only when i'm with u tt i love u. but once we are not together, i lost tt feeling... i really enjoy tt day we went out to orchard... i'd never forget tt day. i love the part when were in the quiksilver shop looking for board shorts and jeans.. i kinda love it when u are shopping with me. it's ike we're a family kind of feel. but... it only lasted a while... remember tt guy who kept staring at u when we crossed the bridge all the way to the other side?? haha... i really felt like shouting back at him "stare wad stare!" but i kinda pretended i dunnoe u. i kinda had the feeling that u were not mine and i cant take u as mine.

i really dunnoe if wad i'm doing now is right but i'm taking things step by step. right now, my heart tells me this is the right thing to do... yet i'm not sure... i'm sorry... i love u... even now, i cant make myself like another girl cos i noe tt u still love me... i may like a girl but when i think of u, i juz cant make myself like her though u and i are not together... it's like a habbit, like when i'm with u. during those days when i'm with u. i've never really cared about any other girls. all cared was tt i have u. i was very contented... now, i really cant like any other girl. i can like but i cant bear to tell them my feelings cos its like i still have u but i dun. i dunnoe how to explain... its a very wierd feeling of not daring to go into a relationship with another girl. like a curse.. i think its like if i go into a relationship with another girl, i feel that i've let tt girl down cos i still have part of my heart with u. and i feel it's wrong cos u should love someone with your whole heart. there will only be problems if there's someone else in ur heart.. maybe till the day either one of us part tt i'm free from this guilt. the guilt of knowing that u love me yet i am not doing anything to salvage our relationship.

i decided to put this same song as u cos it kinda touches my heart... makes me understand how much u love me... makes me feel tt there's always someone who would love me even though the whole world is against me.

i think i dun want to be with u cos it's like i'm pushed to a dead end where i cant love any other person except u. but i want to have the choice to choose, yet i dun want to be greedy. its really very difficult.. i guess... i will regret saying this cos many pple wll be reading my blog but anyway, i shall say. u will always be in my heart till the day either of us part. i dunnoe if i can ever get over u. but u'll still take that portion of my heart with u..