haiz.. lack of sleep ar...

*yawn!* ah.. juz woke up from my long slumber haha... tonight will be the same as yesterday liaoz.. confirm cannot sleep... man.. life has suddenly turned torturous for me.. why.... i suddenly hate studying 10 times more. hate opening my mouth. having headaches. feel wierd all day. juz feel like spending time alone at the beach blowing wind... no, spending that time together with someone.. man... i'm so jealous of joel.. haha... his girlfriend loves him a hell lot... they see each other in school all day... i wish it was like that for esther...

i think things between me and ec would have been much better if my parents knew about her.... we'd be spending time together, she'd nvr feel neglected... and man... if only i could have put in the extra effort like joel to love her... now, she takes up this small portion of my heart, the rest, is with lilo... but... lilo... i dunnoe if things would work out for us.. if it really did, there's still this small little matter in which my parents would take into big considerations... but let's not talk about that little thing in my blog. hah.. those who know, keep it a secret. i really hope that i can be talking friends with lilo.. juz that i dun dare cos of how pple might look at me.. it's wierd yer noe... like if i talk to her, den pple start staring... i juz hope i got a chance to go talk to her. really muz pluck up my courage. at least now, i dun feel so wierd around her..

haiz... i juz kept thinking of them last night... couldn't sleep till about 2. i kinda miss lilo a hell lot... din get to chat with her these few days... thought about ec a lil too.. thought about how things would be different if we were able to spend more time together but it's impossible.. rugby and school commitments come before her.. like she said, if we get back together, things will repeat itself and i really think it will. so no point patching.

ok. about my day. today was ok... wasn't really myself. tried hard to be normal but it's really difficult. din go for edge. instead, i ended up sleeping for hours.... was too tired.. slept 3 hours... my headaches and everyday pain makes sleeping the most comforting thing... "dream, dream, dream....... dream....." lalala~ "i love you..."

went out with the guys a lil today. should have juz went with them and not came home. the most tired juz sleep outside, better than being alone... the problem is, why at changi!!! ar!! if not wouldn't have felt so lonely.. haha.. anyway, i'm gonna help a friend is is love life hehe.. it's gonna be a problem cos this girl i noe, i noe her very well. she needs some convincing and i'm gonna try convincing her about something. haha.. dun worry. not help her make decision but juz convinve her over something she says about herself.. hah.. secret.

so i came home and watched dodge ball haha... damn funny ar... borrowed the dvd from kira.. Mr White Goodman.. haha... loser... hmmm... whenever he snaps his finger, michelle would appear. haha... den kate, she's really damn pretty!! especially when she ties her hair back in a bundle. hah.. i think all girls look pretty when they do that. haha... that show kinda made me forget about my current life. haha.. i juz enjoyed it so much. now i juz want to watch white chicks. heh..

ok.. so i wanted to go buy shoe. but my father damn lazy ar... nvr bring me. ok.. so stop here la. gonna go relax my brain.. having headache again....