30/10/06

GOD IS SIMPLY AMAZING!!!!

well, yesterday before evening service, i sat down and begin talking to God. just over some things tt has made me sad, or hurt me.

i was just asking God, "what did i do wrong?" i just wondered why, why pple close to me would dislike me, come against me, hurt me. pple i trust, betray me, make fun of me, say such horrible things about me. some, just did not want to be assoicated to me one way or another.

for a very happy go lucky kind of person, all these do not really affect me, cos they're just the minority. though there was once i tot it was impossible for pple to hate me. hahahaha... but yea, pple began telling me to watch out, to be careful.

and so, i wondered why.

as the sermon began, IT SHOCKED ME!

the whole sermon was totally geared to answer EVERY QUESTION I ASKED GOD BEFORE THE SERVICE! i mean, i never expect to be answered immediately.

somehow, i knew, that was the word i was looking for.

personally, i am not guilt free from talking behind pple's back. i do. but i always remind myself not to go too far. many times, i just controlled myself so tt i will not say anything to plot against any one. i mean, it's a common self defense mechanism to say something bad about someone else who's saying bad things about u. BUT! u'd become just like that person u hate. and tt stopped me countless times from revealing to other pple besides that person about how i feel about him/her.

God's just wonderful. some things revealed to my spirit are just allowed to be expressed at the right time. there are still other things good/bad, waiting to come out, if only i find the right moment for the right person.

but God is just great. i am thankful. cos he answered me. definitely things do not hurt me so easily especially when it comes from the worldly pple, but it hurts when it's from pple in church. and most painful when they're from church and close to you.

i'm definitely not talking about trival stuff pple gossip about but, things much more hurting, more painful. some what like accusations, being misunderstood. till the time i came back to singapore, there were still things i pondered about. i did not understand what they meant. also other times, from others around.

but one thing's for sure, i've not held anything against them. it's just things i guess i need to think about and it does not affect how i look at them before or after whatever's happened.

but yea... sometimes it's maybe just me, what i did, and how i should change...
tt's why i asked God, "what did i do wrong...."