17/03/07

well, as i walked into tampinese building and up to the second floor, my heart was racing; i was a nervous wreck!

but guess what! i left the place feeling good and superb and excited!!!

well i'm today's director! (after 3-4 years since i last did it!) hohohoho!! so what u see on screen is my piece of art. i was soooo nervous, i was praying sooo hard. i thank god for zhilin, who gave me a crash course on all their equipment there. she was great and encouraging. i was feeling rather stressed as it's not like some normal church production or something but suddenly something big, SYNERGIZ!

she was like, "ok i'll help u for the first 10 minutes." i was like yes! PLEASE! then i remember on my own self reflection i did and realised how much i lacked in self confidence. i dunnoe why or when but i have this low self esteem in which i am trying to get rid of. i would turn to help immediately when in any (even the smallest of smallest) doubt. so i decided, to do something and said, "why not i do it, and if anything goes wrong, u help me out for the start."

yea!!! so i am sooo happy i did it all myself. i mean, i really feel good! ok, zhilin dd help me with the recordings and play backs haha...

neways i hope to go back to school for rugby and do the same thing next wed. i dont want to be the loser harharhar...

at first, when it began, man, i was like, all over the place!!! haha! i had to memorise my first few steps of what i was gonna do like a mantra. i just kept chanting it! hahahaha...initially, it was really a mess, i did not know what to do, when to change. but from the second song on, MAN! things were going good! and like my camera men became PRO! like we knew what each other were thinking and they'd just do what they feel is right, at the right time. something i NEVER expected! THEY DID GREAT! it made the movements on screen look so good!

i glorify god for helping me out!

next, the sermon, god is REALLY encouraging me all the way. cos how matthew barnette felt when he was about to give up is exactly how i feel now. i mean, it's not just the giving up part, but everything he mentioned and felt. though i could not go down for the alter call, i knew god was already working something, i mean, i feel good about my day - today. like finally one day i felt good! for the past few weeks, i led comfortable yet non-fulfilling days. it is just sucky. it feels lousy. but today, i feel sooo good, i want to do it all over again!

ok, what i did today. pay attention in class hohoho, donated blood, i felt exceptionally good when anders smsed me to thank me for being sucha friend and not letting him down today, den director, then the sermon, what more can i ask for!

god is just great! i really feeeeeeel sooooo stinking good today!