the long war...

feels like the war's over.

i have no idea why i cried so much, or so long. i just felt something during worship and i told God, "don't give up on me, it's not over yet. i'm not giving up on my pursuit of you too."

some of u may have heard me telling you before, i wish i could cry. it feels like i cried years of tears. many times i cried out to God, but there were no sound, no tears. i just want to cry but i can't. today, i just kept grabbing hold of him. what ever i could hold on, i made sure i grip hold of it; the tip of his fingers, the end of his robe, his shadow. i just wanted him.

many things i can't break off, things of the past, habits, hooked onto things. my flesh and spirit have fought many wars and my spirit grew weary over time. time and time again, i gave in to my the lies of my flesh, i listen to the excuses my flesh have to say and forget that i belong wholly to God.

after all that crying i felt so light, something's been lifted off my chest. i really long for a breakthrough in things i fight with. they're bad stuff i'm ashamed of, and they are things that lived with me for so long... finally, it feels like the fight's over.

after more than 7 years of war,

victory belongs once again to Christ.