17/01/09

wow, these things that i've wrote in the previous entries, are really speaking to me at this time. guess, i've drifted away, getting all bogged up with my own programmes and stuff.

but one thing that really breaks my heart is that, no matter how much i've sinned or drifted away, God's grace always extends to me. He still speaks to me, even in my darkest moments. He still speaks no matter what i;ve done, as long as i would turn back and spend even a little bit of time with Him.

reading the old testament made me realise something. we talk about covenantal promises all the time, and missed out on the covenantal curses. there are many examples among the kings of Israel example, king david with bethsheba and when he covered up for his son (if i remembered correctly hohoho). but one very significant one, is the separation of judah from Israel because of disobedience and sin.

as i reflect on it, i do see resemblance in areas of my life, where i've lost something because of my sin. i used to enjoy and love prayer. when i pray i see things happened, and i often get excited because the Lord would lay word in my heart and the holy spirit would guide me in prayer. but then came a time where i did something, something really bad that pulled me away from God. and now, i find prayer one of the hardest thing to do.

sometimes, i get into intercession very easily, the emotions flood in and the desire fills my heart and i pray like i used to. but it only comes once a while.

i really wish i can continue with God from where i left off with Him. i desire so much to be a prayer warrior. to be a praying brother, son, and friend.

after mas selamat, i remember falling back into sin, and once again i lost something. i lost the passion for souls. i lost the desire to see souls saved and lives changed. i tried, i pray, yet it comes only once a while.

i want to straigthen my life with God. today felt like a turning point when i resisted temptation. it feels good to not fall into the trap of the enemy. i really need to turn back to God, and pursue Him once again, to fight for what i have lost.