02/10/09

deep inside my head, a constant chant goes on and on
"give up, give up, give up, give up........"

and with all my might i shouted back in my head
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

i'm not giving up, even though i know the outcome, because i am not satisfied with what i've become!

i'm not like that in the past, but this other side of me, it's too much!
I LOVE IT, YET I HATE IT!

ha... everyone wonders how can i always remain this carefree and cheerful while i seriously wonder, why i enjoy being in such a state of denial with such unrealistic dreams.

yet,
"do not let others tell you your dreams are too big for for you."

and also, a friend once said, and it encouraged me so much, i kept it so close to my heart.

"thanks for helping me reconnect, gabriel.
i've never met any other one like you, who didnt get sucked into this metropolitan whirlpool
and get whisked away to meet self-imposed society expectations.
your stories painted me a picture i thought only existed in Utopia,
only to find out that they are real, not so far away and attainable none the least.
i admire people like you who dare to go against the currents and walk the lesser known path.
i admire your outlook on life, so true to yourself and so pure of heart.
dont let anyone say your aspirations are unrealistic, ever. "

am i really leading my life wrongly? am i really doing the wrong things at the wrong time?

but when is the right time? is there even time for other things? wake up, study, work, sleep, grow old, die.

i'm confused.

but no matter! i'll try try try!!! i've told God soo many times i do not want to disappoint my parents. so i'll try. and if i really do disappoint them, i've got 1 last chance to make it up and tt's with my diploma. =)