30/04/07

last day of the month. been 3 weeks since i enlisted.

well, maybe because i was mentally prepared, ns don't seem as tough as i imagined it to be. but well.. problems i face would be my fitness level and the mental challenges in camp.

ns is not just about being fit, but mentally fit. it can be really tough. i'd say that i've grown stronger mentally, am able to endure longer than before, but i still need to work more on it. also, another aspect of it is about controlling of emotions and handling them.

it can get real tough, cos being apart of the people i love is just... really unbearable. however i do get some encouragement here and there and these really pushed me on during training. thinking of the people i love during my long runs, thinking about what i want to achieve, all these has helped me keep my mind of my body.

i'd say during the first 1 and a half weeks, i've put more than a 100% in my training, all think about is to make the people i love proud of me just this once in my life. but as time went by, things got tougher and my discouragement grew... fell ill, and began feeling detached.

if i could just hear something i've always wished to hear, if i could just see what i've always wanted to see, if i could just feel that feeling i've longed for, if only i knew, that there's someone, standing by me through all these...

if i just know that God was by my side. i mean i know he's always there, but i believe u get what i mean. maybe i lack faith.

i'm not sad or what, i just need to fight my mind like what i've been doing for the past 2 weeks... all about mind over body.

if a tear could ease all my fear, i'd let it fall.
but letting it out, means losing to what i've fought so hard to control.

mind over body......

well, i have to thank dot and et for praying for me throughout this period of time, i mean there are also many others, just that i do not know. but it's because of all ur prayers, things in camp have been really like a miracle. from the company i entered, to the individuals in my bunk. it's definitely the hand of God over me. i cant ask for anything better, i'd say it's one of the best i can have, or the best.

thank you all for praying... even those who did not tell me, i roughly know who u are and so thank you all once again.

even if it was just a short moment in time...

itsumo itsumo warattete