21/06/07

"why today....."

i should not question God's timing. do i doubt him?

just a day after wishing of having a normal week, my grandma passes away. there's goes my week; the normal week i desire. i miss civi life. i wish things were the way they were before but it's impossible. i should not dwell in the past, maybe i'm just too much of a sentimental person and cant bear letting go.

well... through these few days, i guess God's teaching me a lesson. first on sacrifice.
i can't have everything. i have to let go of 1 to choose the other. it's all about which being more important. i learnt this not only in "5 people u meet in heaven" but while talking to my cousin. we were talking about family and having kids yet it spoke to me in a very different way.

next would be sunday's sermon on valueing people. it's not those that u already are close to, those u love that needs ur attention. it's those u are not close to and needs ur extra effort to go to them. i tried my best to mix around my other cousins. and i've realised that i've only seen one side of the family and there were more to know. i;ve always hated my fathers side relatives, cos i've always think of them as selfish. but i found other cousins i seldom talk to, in fact only these few days i got to know them better and got to grow a lil closer.

i just dun see the rest except during cny and they are totally unlike those i dislike. and since i've grown up, they treat me better.

though i've been irritated about the fact i cant spend these few days with the people i really want to be with, but then i realised, that it was only important to me and not to anyone else. they lead their normal lives, and i am suppose to just lead mine. my desire to be with them is just redundant.

it is something we can all live with.

oh well. i wanted to run away and i am already given the permission to do so. but i guess i'll go back for 1 more night and skip friday. i've lost my saturday and sunday but i guess it doesn't matter anymore.