02/04/06

2!4!6! hahaha.. today's date.

had combined service with region 7 and 8 haha!!!

think i guess i really have to give up my position this year, there's training everyday next week onwards, but i have 1 last diploma project to be handed up this sat and it's my exam this sat!! hahaha!! i cant wait for the exam to be over with heh!!

okok, so after service, i went to the columbarium to visit my grandpa... i kinda like tt place, cos pple there are living sooo peacefully, 'd walk round each time i'm there, see familiar faces ha.. those i saw last yr, and of course, new ones... i really wonder what are their histories which lead to their death... some, are really young. it kinda gives me the feel tt i cant believe tt they're...... dead.

anyways, had dinner as a family for once! hahaha... wierd me, i often envy pple who are able to have family bonding, but yet when it comes to me having it, i realise i din want to participate.. so it's kinda my fault tt i dun have family bonding, cos i dun wan to be there... but i had fun juz tt i kinda felt lonely...

the confused lost feelings set in, i dunnoe, dunnoe how....... to express.

i saw my cousins, all young, cheerful, and as a family, so loving and bonded. i began wishing and dreaming of the future IF i get married. haha... it'll be sooo nice, wife and kids. loving em all... haing the children climbing all around u, telling u they love you, giving you hugs. how nice, to have dinner with your wife, sit by her side, care for her, help her with the food and the kids...

den i began thinking if only i had a girlfriend.... den i snapped! because i've been telling myself i'm still young! den i snapped AGAIN! am i "only" 19 or "already" 19!? thinking of it, 2 yrs, and i'd be a man. am i gonna get married yet? hahaha.. proly not! but to know whether someone really loves a guy, many tell me time in NS is the greatest test. haha...

ah... WHO CARES! (i do) HA! actually i dun wan to, but sometimes i cant help but think about it...

ok, enough. i still have chem assignment to do. juz kicked dec and jason's butt in DOTA! BUAHAHAHAHA!!! =P

nitez pple..