24/06/07

i've got a saviour and he's living in me
OH-OH!
i want to know i want to know you today.

you're the best thing that has happened to me,
and the world will never take,
the world will never take you away!

tehteh teh~~ tehteheh teh neh~

the song's stuck in my head. haha!

mmmmMMM! rocky's pizza! been quite sometime since i've been there. so many memories in that place. sam, jia ling, enos, ah wei, tee wei, and to add to it, col, joy, des, daniel, tan.

too bad they're moving... i love tt place, i love rail mall! haha... at least ah mei kaya toast aint moving. so the 4 of us SHOULD meet up there again some time! and kannan, DUN PANG SEH!

the night was just wonderful... but when i stepped into the house and saw the duffel bag, ah!!! book in... ha...

i wished the night went on...

24/06/07

i guess it's human nature that at the end of everything, all those bad memories just disappear. cos just before the cremation, my final thoughts of my grandma were those times when she'd smile and teach me to count in teow chew. ha...

i guess she just never really made a difference in my life, but her leaving means a lack of someone in my life. i dunnoe what word to use, but maybe companionship?

neways, I REALLY want to go to seletar reservoir. argh! been wanting to go there for sometime but din know the name of tt place except tt it had a tower. hahaha... now i know. peaceful place, really wonderful. i just feel like staying there all day...

ah well... crazy 6 months to come. sispec... aww man... of all vocations... outfield outfield OUTFIELD! I'M GOING CRAZY HAHAHAHAHA!!!

k la.. shall go pack my duffel bag.

another chapter closed...

23/06/07

tonight just felt so wonderful... hohoho =DDD

and i'm also happy that i might be able to go for evening service tmr! just before i go back in. yay!!

i'm just so happy. =)
thanks.

And, if I never knew you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Empty as the sky
Never knowing why
Lost forever
If I never knew you

23/06/07

somehow, i wished dad's at home...

22/06/07

it was nice last night with all the auntie and uncles from church who came down for the wake. some were my mom's friends though and they all mixed real well ha...

i was really happy tt we got to go home earlier hohohoho left at 11pm. had auntie jenny's family and uncle eric and his wife who are really fun/funny pple ha! then others i did not expect like jude or vincent were there too.

i had fun chatting and eating. but i'm not gonna go down tonight! HA!

still have saturday and sunday to go... my plans for blood donation and all... ruined! aiya, i just have to choose la... so many other things i want to do and they all clash... oh well... i wish for 1 more week! a day would be good as well haha...

21/06/07

"why today....."

i should not question God's timing. do i doubt him?

just a day after wishing of having a normal week, my grandma passes away. there's goes my week; the normal week i desire. i miss civi life. i wish things were the way they were before but it's impossible. i should not dwell in the past, maybe i'm just too much of a sentimental person and cant bear letting go.

well... through these few days, i guess God's teaching me a lesson. first on sacrifice.
i can't have everything. i have to let go of 1 to choose the other. it's all about which being more important. i learnt this not only in "5 people u meet in heaven" but while talking to my cousin. we were talking about family and having kids yet it spoke to me in a very different way.

next would be sunday's sermon on valueing people. it's not those that u already are close to, those u love that needs ur attention. it's those u are not close to and needs ur extra effort to go to them. i tried my best to mix around my other cousins. and i've realised that i've only seen one side of the family and there were more to know. i;ve always hated my fathers side relatives, cos i've always think of them as selfish. but i found other cousins i seldom talk to, in fact only these few days i got to know them better and got to grow a lil closer.

i just dun see the rest except during cny and they are totally unlike those i dislike. and since i've grown up, they treat me better.

though i've been irritated about the fact i cant spend these few days with the people i really want to be with, but then i realised, that it was only important to me and not to anyone else. they lead their normal lives, and i am suppose to just lead mine. my desire to be with them is just redundant.

it is something we can all live with.

oh well. i wanted to run away and i am already given the permission to do so. but i guess i'll go back for 1 more night and skip friday. i've lost my saturday and sunday but i guess it doesn't matter anymore.

19/06/07

even if it's a second more with you,

it meant the whole world to me.

why did i even bother...

after waiting 2 and a half month i thought i finally could...

out of 2 weeks... i think i've just lost every second of my time.

i AM gonna run away.

i just want a normal week. of all the days... you chose today. shit.

17/06/07

i thought i could... for just one night.

-

had lunch at komalas today to celebrate father's day. that place brings back lots of memories. i use to go there as a kid every sunday after church at erm.... rophica hall (i have no idea how to spell it hahaha). those really old days of CCC.

i just love that place, their teh tariks, milk burfi mmmMMM!

next week's gonna be my last week of leave. time flies so fast and hopefully i get to have 1 of each day next week. monday to sunday, WHOLE days. not half days. just 1 more full week pls, i pray.

i feel so miserable now.

but because i miss you, you all,

soooooo much.

15/06/07

the five people you meet in heaven

a wonderful book. for the past 3 weeks, whatever the book wrote about, seem to have write out how my life had been, and the things i experienced. i'm surprised. coincidence?

i wrote so much about this book and my experience and i just deleted em all! haha... i felt that this book's special and i should not spoil it for the next reader.

well on to my next book!

"lost love is still love. life has to end, love never dies."

a short note.

after my mom came in and spoke to me, i suddenly became confused.

somehow i wished u did not tell me, but since i already know, it has become a burden i have to bear. it's because of me, that it ended up like tt, and i failed to protect you.

like i've said long ago, girls are special, vulnerable (to me that is) and sometimes they need to be protected. that need and wanting to protect may arise in a guy feeling a certain way for her.

and i just dun want to get confused between my feelings. i dun feel that way for u, yet i want to make u smile and make u happy for these few days at least. it's all i have to offer. but i'm afraid something, somewhere might change and so.... u've got to understand, i'd still protect u, i'd still care for u, but it's not the same.

it's good that u feel safe and protected with me, at least u know that i'd still listen to u. dun keep it to urself, it kills. i understand.

just that this time round, i need a break.

i post it here, cos i dun want to sms, neither do i want to call, i do not want u to read it, yet i hope u know.

so... should i hope that u did not read this? ha...
well, take care.

13/06/07

"ATTENTION!"
"And now we present to you the graduates of BMTC School 2!!!"

and all the jockey caps go flying in the air, and a frenzy breaks out! hahaha!!!

well, i wasn't too excited, it's just the begining. tried to be excited but it was all too fake, so i stood there smiling haha...

finally over, but the days in BMTC are gonna be some of those i'd miss. dunnoe where i'd be posted to. unlikely OCS, maybe sispec or some slack vocations i hope hohoho... but it's so not worth to enter sispec, and if i do, i'm gonna work harder from sispec to OCS ha! will be tough though, i need to do well in everything haha..

days past slowly, and i am kinda enjoying it. am a lil sick again, but i think i'm recovering. hope to go out and do some stuff soon.

-

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

10/06/07

the whole of this week was a severe mental torture.

though everyone was celebrating, i just couldn't take my mind off things. days went by like weeks.

recruit night just 4 days ago, felt like it took place a week ago... time flew by so slowly..

i hated these past few days... though moments like games day and 24km route march were enjoyable, overall it was a sad week until.....

that night. i thought i've gone mad ha... i just felt like dying. my dreams and goals died. my desire died. my thoughts just went haywire and i sat in bed hiding between the lockers and just waited till i fall asleep.

i thank god. i dunnoe how, but that dying feeling just left me, and a new motivation entered. i just wanted to do my best no matter the circumstances. no matter how far my thoughts are from me, i wanted to forget them all and start a fresh. i just wanted to build it up all over - what i have lost.

i am proud to have completed my 24km route march and got a silver for ippt. i dunnoe why but i thank god... he comfort my heart and gave me peace.

i felt like crap on thursday morning... fighting the tears in my eyes. but whatever it is, how i feel's how i feel and it wont change, for a long time at least. =P

dot, the dotspot sms... ha... coincidence man.

and i AM NOT thinking too much hohoho!

-

Colourblind


Feelin’ blue, while I’m trying to forget the feeling that I miss you
Feelin’ green, when the jealousy swells and it won’t go away in dreams

Feelin’ yellow, I’m confused inside
A little hazy but mellow when I feel your eyes on me

Feelin’ fine! sublime!
When that smile of yours creeps into my mind

Oh oh

Nobody told me you’d feel so good
Nobody said you’d be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You’re the light, you’re the light
When I close my eyes
I’m colour blind

You make me colour blind

Feelin’ red, when you spend all your time with your friends and not me instead
Feelin’ black, when I think about all the things that I feel I lack

Feelin’ jaded, when it’s not gone right
All the colours have faded, then I feel your eyes on me

Feelin’ fine! sublime!
When that smile of yours creeps into my mind

Mm mm

Nobody told me you’d feel so good
Nobody said you’d be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You’re the light, you’re the light
When I close my eyes
I’m colour blind

You make me colour blind

Blinded by the light you shine, the colours fade completely
Blinded by you every time, I feel your smile defeat me

I’m colour blind
I just can’t deny this feeling

Nobody told me you’d feel so good
Nobody said you’d be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You’re the light, you’re the light
When I close my eyes
I’m colour blind

Nobody told me you’d feel so good
Nobody said you’d be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You’re the light, you’re the light
When I close my eyes
I’m colour blind

You make me colour blind

I’m colour blind

lalala~~~

03/06/07

u actually understood how it felt. or maybe it's just a wild guess?

i've told many pple before the feeling of booking in, but the next word they would say is "serious!? is it that bad?" to me it is hahaha...

but it's a calming feeling to know that someone actualy understands how it feels. and i guess some others feel the same way everytime they book in.

i feel so lost these 2 days, i dunnoe what to do, where to go, and it feels as if my time during book out, is not well spent. time has suddenly become so precious to me, and if i could stay up all the way through, i would. but my body is too tired most of the time.

i need to pack, no time.

a memory of you from so long ago...

02/05/07

ok, decided to re-write my entry. haha... decided not to talk about what i learn in NS especially agression hohohoho. u dun want to see me in my agressive mode.

neways, ippt today! and i've improved!!! yipee!!! thank you Lord!

i've been praying for the past few days and indeed i got my silver i wanted. i believe, with a bit more training, gold is just a few more steps away. from 3, to 6, to 8 pull ups! from 10.4, to 10.2, to 9.9s for shuttle run. and i did 3 more sit ups den before, jumped 9cm further, improved by 1min 40s, and another 44s for 2.4km run. since the first run, i've improved by a total of 2mins 24s!!!

k la. time to go play games!! hohoho!!

i had to decide which was more important.