31/05/07

going back in soon.

well, spent my day, watching lots of videos. one of which was the 200 pounds. really nice show.

neways, it always come back; that feeling of not wanting to go back. and i'd end up talking to my blog hahaha... i dunnoe who to talk to, who to tell how i feel, except my blog. maybe through here, i'd get to "tell" you how i feel.. ha...

though it's gonna be a short 2 days, being stuck off main land singapore is a lousy feeling. alighting from the ferry, walking down that same road back "home".

tekong has been my home for the most of these 2 months, it's coming to an end soon, and i'm both glad and sad. am gonna miss all my bunk mates, buddies i have made. wonder where i'd go. and if i did not enter command school, at least enter me into some vocation where i know no one, where i am not an infantry soldier hohoho... throw me to the navy! or civil defense, man i dun mind.

life feels restricted at every point of growing up, and it gets worse. i guess it'll just be all about how i cope with it. i want to ORD! hohohohoho!!!

30/05/07

the past 3 days have been a real exciting and tiring one for me.

lots of strength training, combat trainings and my re-16km route march hahaha... din make it the first time round. this time however, felt half as tough as the first time i did it hohoho..

the most exciting and memorable thing that happened was during grenade throwing. it's so loud la! even with ear plugs, but tt's what makes it so cool!! each explosion vibrates our uniform. the best part, someone threw a blind, which meant that the grenade did not explode so while taking cover, me and the warrant officer just sat behind the throwing bay waiting to see if it'd explode ha... 30mins man.. but it felt like 15mins though.

the warrant officer and i just began chatting and i enjoyed myself until they planted the C4 to detonate the grenade. woah!!! hahaha the BOOM, is crazy! it's like just 20m away from me, and the explosion, aww!! sooo cool la!!!!

when the C4 exploded, the plastic camo on our helmets moved in an outward circular direction like an invisible nuclear bomb! my uniform vibrated! wooh! that's how powerful the sound wave is. it's not the wind, cos we were taking cover. BOOOOOM!!!!

i am glad that i got to book out yesterday, or it'll be a real boring week.

- whoever said SOC was tough hohoho

i just cant forget last sat.. it's been sucha memorable one. things tt happened just kept replaying through the night before i go to bed. i wish the saturdays to come would be the same. i began cherishing every moment when i'm out, their all so special to me. i hope i get to make it to edge again this sat. =)

getting me a wallet as a gift, was really the coolest thing, thanks! i mean, i carry it with me, and so i'd remember u guys all the time. ha..

ok la, shant get too sentimental. off to go play a bit more before i book in later. =D

27/05/07

My Prayer
by Devotion

Dear god,
I know that she's out there...
the one I'm suppose to share my whole life with.
And in time...
you'll show her to me.
Will you take care of her,
comfort her,
and protect her...
until that day we meet.
And let her know...
my heart...
is beating with hers.

In a dream I hold you close,
Embracing you with my hands.
You gazed at me with eyes full of love,
And made me understand.
That I was meant to share it with you,
My heart my mind my soul.
Then I open my eyes
And all I see reality shows I'm alone.
But I know someday that you'll be by my side,
Cause I know god's just waiting till the time is right .

God will you keep her safe from the thunderstorm,
When the day's cold will you keep her warm,
When the darkness falls will you please shine her the way.
God will you let her know that I love her so,
When there's no one there, that she's not alone.
Just close her eyes and let her know,
My heart is beating with hers.

So I prayed until that day, (prayed until that day)
When our hearts will beat as one. (when our hearts hearts will beat as one)
I will wait so patiently, (patiently)
For that day to come. (for that day to come)
I know someday that you'll be by my side,
Cause I know god's just waiting till the time is right.

God will you keep her safe from the thunderstorm,
When the day's cold will you keep her warm,
When the darkness falls will you please shine her the way. (shine he the way)
God will you let her know that I love her so,
When there's no one there that shes not alone.
Just close her eyes and let her know,
My heart is beating with hers.

Is beating with hers (ooo)
My heart is beating with hers (oooo)
It's beating with hers

God will you keep her safe from the thunderstorm,
When the day's cold will you keep her warm,
When the darkness falls will you please shine her the way.
God will you let her know that I love her so.
When there's no one there that she's not alone,
Just close her eyes and let her know,
My heart is beating with hers.

Oh~~~ it's beating with hers.

-

i'm so glad that besides my bed buddy, i made another buddy, a friend that seem to be someone loyal. he's a good person, though he may be the bottom 5 in the platoon. i enjoy his nonsense, his crap and his company. and the last person i'd find so many nice songs in his mp3! haha.. i thought khairi would have more cool songs naturally. but i found this song in skyhan's mp3! haha...

with skyhan and cai li, army seem a lil easier to get by with. the most painful thing is when u tell pple u consider ur friends the truth and they dun believe u. it hurts so bad la... it feels like u think they may be ur friend, but they actually think u're lying. oh well... it's hard. but i dun blame anyone.

as usual, that dreaded feeling of "i do not want to go back" is setting in. and yet i can't seem to tell anyone except to type it out. it's true, that army isn't as tough as pple think it is, but i hate that place! i do not fear training, i just dun like it, i dunnoe how to explain. but matt reminded me of thurs' book out which kinda made me feel better. =)

ok, i guess, i gtg go get ready. another week, would soon pass by. =)

i thank God for His favour up till now. =)

26/05/07

it's already 27th may, but i'll be blogging about the 26th.

i cant believe, that it's already 27th. time flies so fast. though i booked out on friday night, it did not feel much different from booking out on saturday morning... ha..

anyways! it's the first time in all my 20 yrs, tt i have pple actually celebrating my birthday for me hohoho.. i mean, not that i nvr had one, but they were more erm, meaningful ones. (i dunnoe what word i should use to describe.)

well, in the afternoon, i had my net group coming over to my place to celebrate it for me. i mean, all the way, i am touched. even the new members came.

then at night, went for pirates of the caribean then had a little surprise at mac, with a cake, a gift and a beautiful handmade card by kailing. it's really cool la! style sia! haha...

i finally have a new wallet la!! thanks sooooo much! it's a realy nice wallet and i like it a lot! been a while since my last wallet retired. used it for about 3 and a half yrs already. i thank God for my new wallet =D

we stayed at mac till there were no trains home! haha.. i was sooo sleepy la, in fact i am now, but i just have to blog before i forget haha... in fact i've already forgotten some stuff...

not forgetting those who smsed me at 12midnight. ha... show started 9.15pm and ended at 12am. superb show hohoho..

well, today was a superb day. since the time i reached edge, rested there. wonderful time, really. then the movie. in fact i began the day with some shopping at plaza, which i enjoyed, wished i could stay a lil longer though ha...

today's just wonderful... i love edge. and i miss edge every weekday. but today's just superb. haha.. i am repeating myself, cos it's just so nice, somehow. =P

please just freeze time at that moment.

20/05/07

if i could turn back time, i just want to go back to yesterday night at edge and dinner. just hold time there.
i dun wan to go back in...

buhbye~
-

went down to some japanese restaurant near raffles place.

somehow, that japanese restaurant gave me some really nice feeling so i kept trying to recall why and i suddenly remembered. it's because of that time at a similar japanese restaurant in penang. fun memories.

wasabe hohohoho...

well, since it was an a-la carte buffet, i ate so many different things. haha.. most of it raw.. man... i dun really like tuna raw, rather have it cooked, taste so much more tastier tt way haha...

neways it was a wonderful meal to celebrate my mom's birthday. enjoyed my time there, wished it did not end.

gonna go back in in like 3hrs more... still got some work to do and i guess i wont be able to go for evening service, not even for a short while... really want to...

i am happy i got to see everyone these 2 days. i missed everyone... i enjoyed saturday... ha...

ah well! shant think about it too much. a loooong week ahead! back to all my physical trainings... ha... gonna be drop dead tired. ok, i hope i get to upload the family pic at the restaurant soon. ha..

19/05/07

time really flies.

today was a really nice, loooong day. booked out at 7am and it felt as if i booked out the day before. i am real sleepy now though.

i had a great day at sentosa felt real happy to be able to finally see everyone. so many things looked so different ha... well, 1 disappointing thing is that the games were not well planned and all, and i reach edge late.. man!

i even got to meet some pple in sentosa i've not seen in a real long time. ha...

i am just happy about today. cant wait for tmr. am gonna sleep early.

tmr's mom birthday and my book in day... man... 1 day out's really sad... ha...

k la! thank God for sucha wonderful day!

12/05/07

the usual, i dun really wish to go back in feeling.. haha... just dragging and wasting time.

resting from the dizziness i got out of my cough.

it's really bad, cough till my nose bled hahahaha... like wth cough from the mouth bleed from the nose hahahaha...

oh well.....

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

taken from micheal buble - home

11/05/07

yay, found my last samurai cd.

6th time watching it, and this time i had a whole new view of it. last time i liked to watch it because of their fighting spirit.

this time i saw in a way in which nathan morgan was trying to protect what he feels is right.
i like this sentence he said while talking to taka i think
"they are coming to destroy the people i have come to love"

can you imagine because of that he'd choose to fight with his own people!? i mean, he changed sides! and it's exactly what i would've done even if the odds were against me. well... i remember saying somewhat the same thing somewhere before hahaha... but well, i'm not talking about what happened then.

i'm just talking about my past, just for fun. just reminded of it.

10/05/07

HAHAHA go type shellscrape in yahoo and u'll find a lot of pple complaining about how painful it is to dig it, how this grave u dug for urself will become ur home for the next few nights hahahaha!!!

well.. i just returned from field camp, fell ill again. this is really frustrating, i need to stop falling sick.

neways, it's been tough, cos i've really been pushing myself. surprisingly, at 39.1 degrees, i dun feel a bit sick when digging my shellscrape but as i take a break, i begin to feel feverish, and so i'd continue digging.

until i couldn't take it, i finally reported my fever, i was afraid my brain would fry hahahaha... this is an example of mind over body, like what the medic was telling another geng recruit haha.. he said "this guy mind fit but body unfit, you, body fit but mind, unfit." seriously man, i think my endurance has really increased.

also, i've learnt something more about ns. it's on purpose that some of our trainings are set on the weekends. it's so tt while our friends are having fun, we are training, to show them that as soldiers, we are willing to sacrifice our time to serve.

part of being mentally fit is to control ur emotions. the army wants you to seperate from your friends, to leave them behind, because they cause you to be weak. you cant train feeling depressed all the time, if all you think about is to get out and spend time with them.

part of being a soldier is solitude. i too can't believe it when they explained. it's just so wrong. but i find it true. now, i do not really think about what pple are doing nor do i need to msg my friends as much as before. even that kind of love, i dunnoe, it feels different. it hurts initially, but now that feeling's numb.

dun bother to love cos there's almost no room for it.

-

haha dun get me wrong, of course i am still glad to see everyone and will still sms u all when i need to ya.

05/05/07

attend C! swee... hahaha...

ok, so i got a virus from my parents the last book out, caused me fever and vomitting. well.. because of this illness, a lot of things changed.

that night cos of vomitting and body aches, i couldn't sleep the whole night. the pain and the uncomfortable especially the scary thought that the food i vomitted out was my dinner 7 hours ago and it's undigested. thought i was gonna die man... hahahaha!

that night i was able to begin arranging my thoughts, and spent the rest of the night seeking God. just began speaking to him and soon, a peace just entered my heart, a new feeling, that strong attached feeling slowly detached itself and that night, i felt really free.

i get too easily attached to things i feel comfortable with and it hinders me when i'm in camp. now it's just different, it just feels like going to school. i feel all better, and if i do not fall ill again, i'm in fact looking forward to continue with my trainings and see myself grow stronger by the day.

i just thank God for everything. even getting this attend c and booking really made things feels so much better.

field camp tmr once i go back! haha... after field camp and SIT test, everything's gonna be smooth and easy hohoho!!! except SOC and IPPT la.. hahahaha.... oh well! i need to work harder!

02/05/07

what a nice morning!
to rain on the day i am booking in ARGH!!!

hahaha... i feeling reluctant to book in all of a sudden and i'm hugging on to my blog!!! hohoho!!!

another long week in but i guess the tough part will be over after this week HOPEDULLY! haha... oh ya.. still got the SOC oh well! it's just the begginning!

01/04/07

alright! tmr i'm going back in. saved myself a whole bottle of wine to enjoy hohoho!!! halfway through it already moscato ah.... sweet!

ok, so i did not really spend the day as i wanted to, i long to drop by east coast, but i din get the chance to. today went by slow and nice, enjoyed every moment of it from waking up, to bowling, to just walking around lot 1 with dot and joce den alone.

it's like just perfect, i had from like a big group of pple around to just me. i dunnoe how to explain what i mean, but it's different at every moment. like towards the end, i get to chat my heart out with dot, laugh here and there, then being alone, i get to reflect on my own and think about things. i enjoyed my day.

ok! now about tmr, somehow i feel different. i have a new motivation, i'm just some what looking forward to field camp, and towards the end of it. though it'll be another confinement, i'm looking forward to spending my time out again someday! haha...

things has changed a little i'd say, feels a bit different haha.. i guess all ns boys would experience it, i guess it's normal.

hopefully time away would put things seperated back together, would remove my past and give me a new start, would allow time for me to put aside certain things and begin to get my priorities straight.

i'll try my best again!

-

well i have been trying to recall the title of the songs my bunk mates sang in camp and today, enos asked me if i had the song. well, i did not have it but i wanted to d/l it and thanks to him, i have the song now! hohoho!!! i wish i could write songs like this. it's like it's the exact words i want to use to express myself. i just enjoy listening to it as khairi and gabe would sing this song before bed and i'd just tune in haha..

Iris by Goo Goo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

army shop at west mall,

no auntie,

young lady hohoho!

pretty one! ha!