26/12/07

finally i get to go kai kai!!! hahaha.. been soo long, and no one to go out with! i sure had fun tonight! thx!! =D

ok something random
bravery... there are so many different types of bravery.

used in common context,
brave to stand up,
brave to be different,
brave to dream.

but some uncommon ones,
brave to be loving,
brave to grow from being timid,
brave to be thoughtful,

ha.. peter pan.

25/12/07

for 2 consecutive nights.. i dreamt of u. the dreams just gave me soo much hope. it made me smile in the morning.

dreams are so real to me at times, it really brings out my true thoughts of the person i dream of. both good and bad, the good, just make them look so perfect and the bad, just makes me sad or breaks my heart. but dreams are wonderful still.

i dreamt of you... haha. it felt like we were only 14... but in reality, u grow up so fast... no matter how much i try to catch up i can't. u seem to mature way faster than me, and ur group of friends change faster than i can catch up. u just move higher when i finally reached where u initially were.

i just can't grow up fast enough. everyone calls me a small boy.. even in camp.. haha... oh well.. i'll just have to move on.

i miss you

christmas just don't feel like christmas this yr... i realised that as i grow up, christmas becomes more and more of a birthday. normal, day with pple just wishing you here and there. i miss the celebrations, the mass of people jam packed in a house, the noise, the children messing up the room.

christmas died this year.

16/12/07

yesterday, i was at yishun real early, went to catch warlords with fab and ash ha.. quite a good show, but i dislike shows with sad endings... ha...

neways, was at church about 3+ and i decided to spend some time with God before pre-service prayer and service. so i sat there as the band rehearsed.

well... the Lord spoke about something, i suddenly changed my mind about bloggin it haha..

neways, i am AMAZED at what the camp has done to all of you! the atmosphere is different!

just weeks ago, looking at everyone, (not just people from our church, christians) i was crying out in my heart "GRASP HOLD!!! if you don't your're gonna miss it!"

for some of you whom i have talked to, you know that i told u about how much i wanted pple around to grasp hold of it. THERE IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT THIS TIME!

i was SOOOOO excited when nigel shared! it was affirming! GRASP HOLD GRASP HOLD! these were the words of desperation running through my heart and mind to ALL of YOU! i just did not want to say it. but i think i've blogged about it before, weeks back.

this time round, i'm sooo happy that things have changed, most of you have already realised that something's gonna happen. most of you have grasped hold of it.

and now, what's been running through my heart, is "gabriel, hang in there... HANG IN THERE!"

so much for shouting 'grasp hold' when now i'm fighting to hang on to what God wants to do. and it surprised me when the message shared about the same thing at one point.

God's speaking to me continuously, and it's amazing. remember i blogged about how it takes JUST ONE person? yea... amazing..

hang in there...

the long war...

feels like the war's over.

i have no idea why i cried so much, or so long. i just felt something during worship and i told God, "don't give up on me, it's not over yet. i'm not giving up on my pursuit of you too."

some of u may have heard me telling you before, i wish i could cry. it feels like i cried years of tears. many times i cried out to God, but there were no sound, no tears. i just want to cry but i can't. today, i just kept grabbing hold of him. what ever i could hold on, i made sure i grip hold of it; the tip of his fingers, the end of his robe, his shadow. i just wanted him.

many things i can't break off, things of the past, habits, hooked onto things. my flesh and spirit have fought many wars and my spirit grew weary over time. time and time again, i gave in to my the lies of my flesh, i listen to the excuses my flesh have to say and forget that i belong wholly to God.

after all that crying i felt so light, something's been lifted off my chest. i really long for a breakthrough in things i fight with. they're bad stuff i'm ashamed of, and they are things that lived with me for so long... finally, it feels like the fight's over.

after more than 7 years of war,

victory belongs once again to Christ.

07/12/07

this week have been real slow and rather tough on me. but yesterday i had lots of fun raiding 2 SIR hohoho!! it was my first time and it was rather exciting. i feel like a big shot HA!

and then as usual, today i did something stupid again and i'm wondering if i should have done it or not. word is spreading fast about me. i was just angry la, at that point of time.. however, i'm like and idol to my man now. haha... what i did, i should never do again but through this, one of my man (the ocs dropout one) said to me and as he said it, it sent goosebumps up my shoulders.

"all it takes is a catalyst for a revolution. you have just sparked something off and we'll follow ur steps in.........."

all it takes is a catalyst. what he said made a lot of sense. all it takes is you, or me. one person to hunger for God so much that there will be a visitation of His glory! and when His glory comes, IT WILL SPREAD LIKE A WILDFIRE AND PEOPLE ALL OVER WILL RISE UP! isn't this an amazing word from him? it stirred me up! God used Him to remind me. all it takes is ONE person, dead in the flesh, from which the glory of God will manifest!

man, i stood there thanking God. and repented of what i did in the afternoon. what my senior did, awakened the berserker in me. a point where i am fearless, pumped up with new energy despite my tiredness and raging with anger. well, at least i have the respect of all my man.

they came up to me shook my hand and some pounded their chest saying "wah sergeant, i respect you. why didn't you beat him up!?" hahahaha! somehow, i felt encouraged and more at ease. my senior's just too full of himself and arrogant. but yea... i guess i had already forgave him from the moment my anger dissipated, i know i'll still treat him as a senior and friend with respect come this monday.

03/11/07

well, back to stay in for the next 2 weeks... i feel a lil horrible haha..

but i had an awesome night! went down to causeway to meet beniah, bernice with dot. i mean, it's good to see pple from church not just on the weekends, how i wish, every other day too. i enjoyed my dinner with them.

time went by real slowly which is a good thing! haha... i have to go back soon. feeling all mixed inside, i feel both warmth and loneliness and some sort of coldness inside. see, mixed confused feelings. i have no reason to feel this way and i dunnoe why... it feels nice and uncomfortable at the same time. ha...

well... i can't wait to sleep. gonna go back early and catch some ZZZs.. ha.. tmr i've got an IPPT cat test again, MAN!

k la... looking forward to the weekends. it's such a joy just to see all of you.

03/11/07

i wrote the previous blog entry below before i went for evening cos as i left morning service, i just was remembered about how his love has changed me and guess what!? evening service was about God's transforming love!!! AMAZING!

the lord has actually been speaking to me about this area the past month. about seeking his face and not his hands of blessings. cos what he has is already ours, seek his face. and when we start to grow hungry for God, that is when His glory is going to come. and when His glory come, things beyond what you can fanthom will happen! HALELLUJAH!

God's going to do amazing things in this time, and this keeps running through my heart, GRASP HOLD OR YOU'LL MISS OUT! i can't stand it. cos we're still not taking God's calling seriously! i want to see it happen, and i want all of you to be part of it! i'm just way too excited, i have run out of outlets to share what God is doing, i dunnoe who to tell, and so i blog hahaha...

seek his face. run for His love, and things of this world will fade away.

i'm not perfect, just like all of u, a sinner. God, put to death more of me! i know of feelings and certain habits that God has already put to death in me, and the more he puts to death, the more i see him. be prepared my friends, prepare yourself for his glory!

i'm ready to preach a sermon!

02/11/07

for the past week, God's been awesome! he's been great. he has open my eyes to things i've never known about Him. he's showing more about him, helping me understand his heart.

the lord's joy, has seen me through every sadness, loneliness and days of heartache. in the ultimate end, it's still the love of God!

as i wait upon Him, things of this world gently fade away.
all my sorrows, all my pain, all of it, he took away.
he opened my eyes to things i can never dream of,
open my mind to see things i can never imagine.
he has done such a work in me, i'm forever changed.
seek his face, seek his heart, just focus on the one who bear it all
just so that u could live.

this is my God, this is my true love.
he is my joy, he is my peace.
the more he puts to death my flesh,
the more i grow closer to him.
i adore u.
the more you amaze me, the more i fall in love with you.
you are awesome, you are amazing, you are my God.

i'm half a man,

come make me whole.