29/12/05

juz a motivation entry.

i have to study! i have to, have to, have to!!!

it's the 29th... man.. how fast time flies....

but still, thank God for everything. especially after yesterday. i dunnoe what happened to me, but i was attacked sooo badly.

i went into like, i dunnoe how to explain. i hate my life, i hated school, i hated math, i felt far from God, i felt left out, i felt everything a person wouldn't want to feel. and no matter how i try to convince myself, it wouldn't work.

i remember juz before i went to bed, i prayed. i pray in the name of Jesus and Bound that spirit.

guess what! i felt great after that. din noe why i did not think of it earlier. it's juz that before i slept, i felt a thugging to pray against this feeling.

so i did. and now, i am back to what i was before it happened.

ah.... now, i have to start on my math... have got tuition later at 6... ha... dunnoe how i'll do man.. am scared but! i'll juz have to face next yr knowing that God's in control ya! =D

28/12/05

the movie king kong makes ur money sooo worth!!!

haha.. it's a 3hr 20min or so movie. aww man. it's superb!

u pple should go watch it. i paid like 7 bucks only hehe!!

okok, so i've finally enjoyed myself today, but when i do a reality check, man... i feel wierd now. that wierd feeling.

i muz overcome it... i juz feel... stressed? wierd... depressed? i dunnoe.. ha... i can laugh and yet feel scared. haiz....

i was juz about to type "i cant wait for... "

and then i realized, what is there in the future can wait for? nothing's exciting in future, i'll go into army, come out, work, prolly study, work even more, maybe get married. maybe that's the only thing i'll look forward to.

den again, like wilson said. before marriage and after marriage are 2 different stories. hmmm.. what's there to wait for?

death. proly. go to heaven and be freed from EVERYTHING on earth.

but i'm placed here for a reason! ha... am typing what ever that comes to my mind. hahaha... okok.

that's all back to work! i've got tuition tmr... zzzzzzz....

27/12/05

have too many things in mind, too many things to do and such short time....

i din realise, it slipped my mind... i'm lost.

it juz scares me when i think of it.. maths sub paper, gp, chinese tests.. but i miss my school friends so much... i wan to be with them but yet, the curriculum expectations i need to hit...

not forgetting that i did not take my diploma paper as i was away... away in paradise...

loved timor, missed timor.... a dream come true on my last lunch there... the perfect setting. except tt there's too many flies.. ha...

i juz wan to be at the right place at the right time now. everything now is sooo messed up. to have tuition or not? to go or not to go? - serangoon or party, prayer meeting or home, where!!! where's the place i should be!!! what should i be doing now!!!!

I DUNNOE!

27/12/05

man... i feel soooo sick!!! my tummy's killing me!!! argh....

i think i have some sort of stomach flu. yesterday i only ate 1 meal, dinner. i've jus got no appetite and my house last night was like.. HAVOC!!

my cousins keep wanting me to play with them, pple talking to me about games stuff, pple asking me if they could use the comp blah blah blah...

i juz want to lie in bed and rest....

haha... anyway, i dunnoe if i really want to see a doctor or not... am like soooo lazy la!!! heh...

i'm a PIG! hahahahaha... =P

ok, i've still got math tuition later at 4... how sad ya.. no free day to juz enjoy....

once school reopens, i have like tests, work, blah blah. good thing is that i wont feel so lonely. not that i'm feeling lonely now at home. i have soooo much time out these days, being alone at home is a luxury! hahahahaha...

wierd me.

NEWAYS! am off to rest and juz surf around.... seeya!

25/12/05

hmmm... christmas was not as joyful as the past yrs, have to say a big thanks to all who prepared cards and gifts. i'm sorry!!! i din have much time nor creativity to do anything this yr.. >.<

ok, there're quite a few things that kinda perked up my christmas though. haha... definitely have to thank my church friends for being the only pple whom i had to hang out with... haha.... and of course, new aquaintances.

things i've nvr imagined happened. thanks man... bet u know what i'm talking about if u're reading this.

there are pple with really some of the sweetest gifts and words. yea...

also... i juz have to thank God for everything i've experienced thus far... and the thing about God touching unsaved families, i have heard about 2 testimonies already!

there's once in net group i felt God say that we're links in our families. a joint, a triangle. it's through us that our families will come to christ! and now, i am VERY sure this IS from God. yea, join me in believing what God has said and continue to pray for our families and not forgetting our FRIENDS TOO!!

many nice things juz slowly unfolding, making my christmas complete. even as i'm writing this... news and things juz come in, juz filling me once again with joy...

ah... thank you Jesus for dying for us on the cross. it's this day that u were born into this world. and Lord, i'm here to remember u!

25/12/05

juz random order k!!!

my christmas day "speech"

i juz feel sooo touched to write something for some pple whilst listening to the song "my grown up christmas list" hahaha...

boss! - man... i'll miss brian quite a bit. nvr have i hated u or what ya, regarded u as a really good friend. prolly someone i can trust 90% of the time when it's serious stuff. a great friend to have sometimes when i'm alone... thx man.

desmond! - ha... u have been my personal psycologist for like this past 6 months or so.. always listening to what i have to say prolly one of the most understanding person i've met!

sam! - man... u're the sweeeeetest!!! ha... one of my girl friends whom i can trust 100%!!! u have always brighten up most of my most gloomy days. ar.... should've got to try to know u earlier... thx for my birthday gift.. u girls, were prolly the only ones who gave me bday gifts this yr though we barely knew each other... even my parents forgot my bday... THX!

JL - haha.. enos!!!!!! hahahahahahahahahaha!!! i think u're really cute la!!! nono not enos, DEREK!!!!!! =PpPpPpP hahahaha... i love to see u smile, u've got a really sweet smile hahaha... thx for always being around when i'm lonely. together with sam, u 2 are the ultimate best of best friends and i admire that!

hahahaha...okok.

colleen chua JIA LIN - hahaha... does ur lin have a "g" at the back?? hahaha... anyway, i got most of it right ya! ok, haha... many things happened man.. since after my birthday, around may... guess that's when i kinda got to know u more. hahaha... through out the whole east timor trip, i've definitely gotten to know u more. though we may share lots of different views, u're still the same colleen i knew before the trip. haha.. yea... we're really different ya. but you're no different before nor after! =D

joash - u jerk! but i still love u la hahaha!!! u're still a nice person at times u jerk. hahahahaha.... hafta thank you for a lot of things as in really man. i think like when pple have different views from me, still have u to agree with me and some other things i prolly dun remember. thx a lot..

jonathan - haha.. u ar... dun always think pple are blaming u ya... u're definitely the best bro! ya.. and i really mean it!!!! short and sweet!

xiao wei - ha.. like i've said.. it seems like i've known u from what seems like FOREVER! u're really fun, funny, bubbly and i juz enjoy ur company. haha... making fun of u is definitely the no.1 fun thing la!!! hahahaha.... yea man... u really made days in timor unforgetable. haha.. all the funny things u did, both conciously and UNCONCIOUSLY! hahaha.. cute.

shawna! - hahaha... shawna. hahahaha.... i dunnoe wad to say man. one hell of a girl! hahahaha...

hmmmm.. who else?? actually, up to here, these are pple who have impacted these few weeks a lot. there are others but because i assumed they do not come to my blog so i aint gonna write about them. haha... juz to name a few, marcus, nicoli! haha, grace, (reg D pple) vic, grace zhang, derek, dec, matt, angel.... too hard to remember all am trying!!! haha..

anders! - hahaha.. thx man. i think u have really helped me and protected me all this while throughout my yrs in MI. u're juz like a big bro man. am honoured to be in the same team as u!

kira - hahaha.. have not seen u for sooooooooo long!!!! what to say!?!?!?!? hahaha...

mo - thanks man! for this whole yr! everything!!! another big bro in MI! man... really a big bro who watches out for us. thanks. thanks for the BAGS TOO!!!! hahahaha... but still, i have to return them when school reopens but thanks for lending em to me!!! haha..

not forgeting... daryl, bridget, nigel, kim, hugh, i forgot!!! ah!!!! hahaha.. but still, thanks la ya!!!

last od all, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

24/12/05

hahahaha!!! i'm juz soooo hyped up!!!!

i'm losing my voice from all the shouting i did from out of church, to lot 1 and at the arcade!!! hahaha..

i'm juz feeling soo happy la!! hahaha... i'm sooo happy, i'm juz fooling around to the extent i really cant be bothered about what others may be thinking of me hahaha...

and it's definitely not because of girls or what k! X) i know, the rumor and everything. it's erm... hahaha... how to say ar. I DOUBT IT'LL HAPPEN. (BIG FULLSTOP!) i dunnoe. hahahaha...

i juz enjoy her company ya, it's fun to have friends u can really open up to without feeling too embarrassed or..... getting BETRAYED!!!! (i juz trusted the wrong pple again...)

haha.. but! u're all forgiven! i'm too happy! i dunnoe why too! hahahahaha!!!!

when i reached home, i saw 2 cards on my laptop... andrea was really straight forward. hahaha.. thanks!

sam's really sweet... AWWW SAM!!!! u're gonna make me cry.... thx a lot......

u remembered EVERYTHING! places we've been to, hanged out... things i have prolly forgotten, u remembered!! i'm soooooooooooo touched! my, u're the sweetest man.... thanks.
(charles' stinkin lucky!) =P and so he better take good care of u!

anyway, i loved my evening though i thought i have thrown away all of my christmas.

and pple, pls la... hahahaha... it's too short for anything to happen ya. only a short trip. it's the pleasure of making a new friend. =D

24/12/05

ok, have juz reached home from care group, in which i have juz had lots of fun hahaha....

wilson treated us to coffe bean hahaha, thz man! den we went for a movie, NARNIA!

haha.. it's some what like alice in wonderland + lord of the rings kind of fairy tale where animals talk, u get to see fairy tale creatures e.g. centaurs, giants....... hahaha.... was nice.

i love the war part. the beginning of the war looked much like the start of a rugby game, and that got me sooo pumped up and excited. i juz felt like giving a war cry on the spot! my heart was beating so fast la, and my body itching to juz go out and get myself killed, or i kill someone wuahahahahaha!!!!

i was juz soooo excited, at the wrong time too hahahaha....

man... wish there's like some more games, and i wish that somehow i will have the same fired up feeling where i dun mind getting myself "killed" during a crash in the game haha.. i'm juz gonna run with all my might as if the opponent did not exist hahaha..

okok, am talking too much. haha.. too much adrenaline..

am off!

22/12/05

finally got some rest haha... i slept at 4 am. and i woke up as usual, not feeling tired or anything haha..

anyways, hmmm... wonder wad i'll be doing today. i feel like going out look for stuff. i need quite a few things to complete something hahaha...

den prolly go do my tuition hw somewhere. haiz.. eric's coming back and i did not do my hw!! den at night need to do video in church or something..

haha.. soooo... where should i go??

22/12/05

hmm.. i cant sleep... my mind's too active now...

too many things in my head.

hmmm.... guess i juz wanna get over some stuff fast.

cant wait for my math test at the beginning yr to be over with.

other things... argh!!!

go to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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finally found this song.

nice...

Would you dance
if I asked you to dance?
Would you run
and never look back?
Would you cry
if you saw me cry?
And would you save my soul, tonight?

Would you tremble
if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh?
Oh please tell me this.
Now would you die
for the one you loved?
Hold me in your arms, tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Would you swear
that you'll always be mine?
Or would you lie?
would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care...
You're here tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.

Oh, I just want to hold you.
I just want to hold you.
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care...
You're here tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.
I will stand by your forever.
You can take my breath away.

I can be your hero.
I can kiss away the pain.
And I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.
You can take my breath away.

I can be your hero.

21/12/05

alright!! finally am back from my trip! hahaha...

man do i juz love east timor!! life's nice and slow there, the day begins real early. when i'm there, i seem to forget everything and live life like i've nvr did before.

it's soooo nice being there, together with the people, animals and God.

i cant remember what i want to blog about but ya, east timor is a wonderful place!

only after the plane had taken off did i realised how much MORE i'd miss timor!

i remember the day of the concert i made lots of friends!! thanks to my malay friends in MI who taught me to speak bahasa. hahaha...

i remember "zero" haha. nice, fun guy. knew him for prolly 2 hours max. but it seems like we were best friends. cool....

as much as i used to love indonesians in the past, I LOVE TIMORESE MORE!!! =P

humble people, mostly good in nature. extremely friendly, though at times they can be shy, other than that, they are very open.

it juz feels so wierd when i'm on the plane back. when it touched down, it felt like juz an hour ago i left singapore for dili. it's like my memories of time spent in timor became shortened. that 7 days felt like 3. i tried recalling, but dunnoe why i juz couldn't.

but now, i can more or less remember much of the events that occurred. can't believe i'm back already... it's too fast. timor leste has more or less become my home.

"sail down the river which brin gs us life,
winding through my east timor....

this is home truly,
where i know i must be,
where my dreams wait for me,
where the river always flows....."

haha... who needs singapore when there's east timor!

living here and there is the same, except that i dun have comps, i dun have erm... hp, i need to proly work on a farm if i'm poor, or start a restaurant by the beach if i have the money.

when i'm there, a phone did not matter, whether i had computer games did not matter. all that matters though are my friends. cos i'd prolly be lonely there. this time i had a lot of friends there, like my region ppl, region D ppl (rocks), some others like erm.... yi xian and her sisters, blah blah. fun pple. haha...

sooo i'm back now!~

i miss all of u, u, U!!!!
miss the tennis girls (and derek hahahaha),
miss rugby,
miss the video guys.

etc,etc,etc....

hahaha... ok got lots of things to do!!!! bb!

20/12/05

I AM BACK!!!

and i'm too sleepy to continue...

13/12/05

haha.. soo ocool!!! i'm at the airport and i have internet access here!! haha...

i'm at pacific coffee now and there's comps for us to use.

Neways, it's 10.03am now. am leaving in like 50mins time. ha... quite excited la.

hahaha.. in fact i have to go!! be back on the 20th!!

see ya!

12/12/05

alright!
it's the 12th of december, juz a few more hours before i have to reach cck building.

EAST TIMOR, HERE I COME!!!

hahaha... had a great day today, juz spent most of my day at KAP mac chatting and all hahaha... chatted for like 4 or 5 hours!? ha...

got my dad to pick me den we headed down to my grandma's place. yea... been a long time since i've seen them. i think i really MUST go down one day. when i saw my grandma, i juz felt soooo much love for her...

she's like a mother to me, yet our relationship feels soo wierd. like we are friends rather than family. she treats me like a guest. ya... i feel sooo bad... i juz love her a lot.. yea.. if she was my own mum, i'd proly give her a hug and a kiss. in fact, i think i love her more than my mum hahahaha...

by the time i head home, RUSH!!! pack bag. haha.. in the midst of it, i was playing games hehe..

so i'm still thinking of wad to bring. scared i forget something. if there's something i might forget, pls message me!!!!

oh my MY PASSPORT!!! thank God!!!

11/12/05

THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH!!!

i dunnoe how to tell u how i feel inside. i'm juz feeling soooo joyful!

juz like pastor martin preached, there will be a miracle! and right now, i feel like a conqueror!!!

woooohooo!!! i juz want to shout at the top of my lungs, JESUS I LOVE YOU!!!!

wooooohoooooo!!!!! man! i can juz stay in my room and praise Him all night!

as i let things go one by one, laying them down at the feet of Jesus. i began to see changes! wow... He's sooooo wonderful!!!!

SHOUT OUT TO THE LORD WITH A VOICE OF TRIUMPH, SHOUT OUT TO THE LORD WITH A VOICE OF PRAISE, SHOUT OUT TO THE LORD WITH A VOICE OF TRIUMPH, WE LIFT YOUR NAME UP, WE LIFT YOUR NAME UP!

10/12/05

ha... am real happy ah wei came today!! ha ha ha ha ah wei! haha...

okok. soooo.... today.... hmmm.... i think today's the best day of the week! hahaha.. i had the most laughs today! haha...

proly cos ah wei's around so there's something to laugh about. den the arcade!! ha!! i laughed till my jaws were stuck! haha.. we were playing some paddleing game and it's soooo tiring la!!! paddle like mad!! haha.. our arms!

fun fun fun fun fun fun!! haha.. but after fun comes work work work work! tml's there's tuition.. ha....

anyway, it's nice to see people relaxed and having fun. haha.. now that A'levels are over (for them), life seems sooo nice. hahaha... i can juz see it on their faces. ha... and it's nice to know that people are having fun. haha.. now i cant wait for A's to be over. =P

ha. whenever i'm in school, i always think of ways to bring fun to people. ha. brighten up their days! juz enjoy doing it. but now, everyone seems sooo joyful in this holiday season. feels good man. hahaha...

also, i was juz looking around and i saw many parent and children together... makes me feel so much like starting a family. hahaha.. their children were like 5-6 yrs old. those little todlers. ya... make me feel like wanting to become a father. skip the baby part and have a toddler! =D

babies are hard to look after. it's when they become todlers then the fun begins between father and son or mother and son. ha... i want a son. hahaha... den can play arcade with him!!

reminded me of my dad... haha.. used to have so much fun with him. love him alot. yea... i want to be a dad!!! hahahaha...

kk. shall go to sleep and dream that i have a son prolly playing at the arcade or fishing by a river. how nice! =D

nitey!

9/12/2005

alright! i've finally finish my whole module!!! yea!!! i do not need to go to school no more!!! woohoo!! hahaha..

anyways, the bad new's that i cant take my exam earlier... uni rules and regulations, blah blah. sucky. hahaha... i have to take it in january la!!! so like i cant have peace till it's over.

so fast... so fast... the school terms gonna start. once i come back, it'll be another erm... 10 days before school begins.

hmmm.. guess i'll have some time to hang out with some of u once i get back ya!

ok, so had training today. man, been so long since i've trained. wah.. lack lots of stamina.. LOTS! haha.. i am sooo tired after playing touch. my chest juz felt sooo tight. but i kinda lots of fun for like a long time haha..

guess when i want to score tries, it's not that difficult after all. ya... ha... i think what i did today was the most no. of tries scroed in half an hour. but it's 4v4 after all. haha..

hmmm.. the tackling excercise was also fun cos i did not tackle!! hahaha.. was too tired to go do the excercise and ah chuan forgot about me prolly cos i was holding the shield for quite a few times.

okok... am watching dream catcher now. sooo scary. it's freaky. so am off to enjoy the show!

************************************

hmmm.. btw! wad do u guys think of this email! iseethegab@hotmail.com

haha.. got this while playing touch today. tee wei or some one was shouting "I SEE THE GAB!!" and i was like in my head going "oOo! nice!" in fact, i have also been using that line quite often but nvr thought of using it as an email add...

8/12/05

alright... i've juz returned from video dinner. haha... brian's leaving... aww... hahaha...

oOo.. dinner was nice especially the crab!! hahaha..

oh ya, been a long time since i've played LAN, had lots of fun playing dota la!!!

anyway, for the past few days, i have been influenced by y whole family, who was initially influenced by my mom... to watch korean movies!!! hahaha..

i'm like addicted to it la! especially those movies which has these 2 elements in it - comedy, romance drama. hahaha.. love em! it's juz like watching the normal english type movies. haha.. but it's nicer, i dunnoe why. hahaha...

1 movie i recomend would be "my boyfriend is type-B" hahaha.. funny show.

okok... have a look at this!! what do u think if my email is - gab_allgrownup@hotmail.com

wad do u think?? pls leave ur comments!!

4/12/05

JUZ A RANDOM, PROBABLY BORING ENTRY! hahahaha...

a typical entry only those who cared would read. hahahaha..

it's been a while since i spend lots of time on the tv. but juz a while a go, i manage to catch quite a bit of this movie titled "Au Piar" ha.. nice show.

yea.. i love these kind of sweet shows.. juz soo.. sweet.. hahaha...

anyways, the show juz kinda reminded me of my past when i was a little little boy. haha.. still wearing big glasses with long hair! hahaha... i used to spend a lot of time at home alone with my maid...

i fear school a lot cos of my teacher.. i did not have a nice life in early primary. i depended on my parents a lot... i'd stay awake late at night waiting for my parents. my maid cant sleep till i do. so i'd wait, wait, wait. my maid would make me go to bed but i dn want to. u know, filipino maids.. they're quite fierce..

anyway, i stayed till 10+ waiting and i'd juz cry cos my parents dun come home. my heart still kinda aches thinking of it.. especially my dad. he always comes home soo late.

i remember the yellowish light in the hall.. so dark loomy, and by the temple which is always making lot's of noise. i hated it though i was a budhist back then. hahaha...

i juz lay on the cold marble floor, by the big red carpet and juz cry till i fall asleep...

i hated those days but i missed them too...

i guess in every point of our lives, there're juz painful stuff. now, it's studying haha.. the pressure... but surprisingly, things really feel quite fine for me.

tmr's my exam fo the first part of my module. ha... am trying to focus here... but of all times, i have to have a throbing headache, feel so sleepy, everything u least expect including loneliness. i'm all aone at home now.. waiting for my mom and sis to come home.. my dad's away.... my friends, ha, in church, at home..

i dun like coming home cos once i have company outside, it just gets so fun. haha.. most of you would know...

ok... i've said enough.. my blog cant hear wad i juz typed. my only friend now. come to think of it, i have a better friend to talk to! hahaha shall turn to Him!

haha.. i remembered the latest prophesy upon my life and it is making me sooo happy now!!! hahaha babye~

2/12/05

hmmm.. am figuring out how to transfer pictures from my new hp over to the comp...

but anyway, I'VE GOT NO SCHOOL TMR!!

ARGH!!!!! YYYYYY!!! i juz remembered... i got tuition at 9am!!! argh!!!!! noooooooo!!!! i tot i could sleep in or something... haiz... i feel like crying now...

anyway, put the things of the world aside. let's talk about how God's gonna change East Timor!!! i am juz soooo excited to go to Timor and bless the people there. (oh my! i juz remembered something!!! fasting and praying works extremely effectively!!! hehe... ok, not yet la. but what i pray for is going to come true.)

ar!! i shall continue this another day i juz realised tt i've got things to do. math tuition work.... bb.

1/12/05

it's been like 2 weeks to me since holiday began, when 1 month has already past!

it's as if i have no holidays man... that's soooo sad la!!!

i'm so caught up the whole week with rugby trainings and stuff.. lacking sleep... after yesterday's match i have conferences in the evening till friday. no time at home man... no life...

hanging out late with my friends, having fun is really a luxury for me man. am so glad i'm going to east timor. that 1 week would really be my holiday! though i'll miss many of u here in SG, and lee min's back too. haven got time to spend with her..

saw her as i was leaving COOS for home after the conference... cant stay for the night service cos i need to study for my monday exam and do my math C tuition homework. soo ya... lee min. haha.. was juz checking her out seeing if she's grown F**!! hahaha.. apparently we're all banned from using that word BUT! i can say she's PHAT! hahahahaha... actually, no la. i think she's lost some weight and she still look as cute as ever. hahaha...

am really glad to see u ya, juz that i din noe how to react. hahaha... soooo nice to see u smile. ur eyes juz disappear!! haha.. yea. miss u man. thank God i saw u juz now. juz brighten my day a little. i juz have work in my mind. work, work, work.

okok... am off to study and do my math homework...

i'll see u guys soon...