31/03/07

the end of the month...

what a nice night it was!!! the best part was going to the roof. wow.... there's this image that's stuck in my head. hohohohoho!!!

oh well! it was soooo fun! i scare the girls while they were climbing up the stairs. HA! then after the service, we went round blowing candles! tt was ultimate man! initially i was trying to keep my flame on. but..... if you cant beat them, JOIN THEM! HOHOHOHO!!!

it's most exciting blowing out qi ge ba ge's flame. haha... imagine me chasing grace chong around just to blow her flame. HA! i couldn't blow it off, but i chased her till her flame went off!! HOHOHO!! and the rest of the girls just kept screaming hahahahaha...

man... i laughed soooo hard, i gave up in the end. haha.. went up the bus all wet from perspiration. ha...

-

well my mom's back.... not tt i'm not happy about it. but she's just stepped in for less than an hour and she's back to nagging!!! oh well... it's been real nice and peaceful the past few days hahahaha.... i wish she took a longer vacation. but come to think of it, since i'm entering the army, i'd need her around to help me look out for things i need to do/bring... ha...

29/03/07

rainy days are just sooo special, dont you think so?

the sound of pattering rain, that eeire silence, the cold wind. it gives that really emotional and moody feel, a time to remember your loved ones. even those who has left.

once again, my heart aches. while watching videos on youtube, i saw my grandma, standing by the window looking out. i bet she misses my grandpa... i miss him too. she stood there, staring out into the rain, tears trickle down her cheek, but she hides the pain real well...

since my mom left for bangkok, my grandma has been coming down everyday to clean up the house and cook dinner for us. i thank God for her. i cant have a grandma more loving than her. i love her so much.

my heart aches, to see her sad, to realise that one day, i'd not see her again. so in over 10yrs, i muster all my courage and gave her a BIIIG hug. made me feel so good. i love her soooo much.

i've not been a good grandson, i seldom visit her. and she's always so happy to see me. so are my cousins. i missed out soo much, that one of them is already talking and walking the last time i saw him.

it breaks my heart to have not loved her this much before. i am glad, i'm glad i've let her know how much i treasure her after so long.

i love her...

26/03/07

the past 2 days really felt like youth camp man. dunnoe why, real happy to be in church.

even after dinner just now, i could just TALK TALK TALK TALK all the way back. hyper! hahahaha... dot had to listen listen listen. hahahaha.. this is the only time when i become a bad listener, cos i just want to talk! HOHOHO!!!

hmmm.... arcade yesterday was superb la... hahahaha... ah tan was prolly high after winning me twice! -.-" ha.... squaring off with him. den the aeroplane game, the table hockey which was rather exciting with all the screamings! hahahaha!

been a while since things were like this. was fun! anyway, i'm looking forward to next sunday in which we're gonna play touch rug! sooo looking forward to it!

ah well. i feel good! =)

25/03/07

well, tonight's one of the best night i've had over the past few days.
enjoyed myself =)

23/03/07

i just need some cheering on...

10 hours more to go!

my heartaches...

just looking at my dad, sick, in bed...
and my heartaches.
then a chain of thoughts begin...

however i'm thinking deep thoughts.
like, i wonder why we cant live on earth foerever?
or like, why would we live in heaven forever.

many things along the same line.

and as well as wondering why the world's so advanced, why cant we live by the sea in serenity.

haha.... and because of all this and looking at my dad, my heart aches...

he must have overworked himself... for this family.
but that's not what i want. i do not need money! =)
i need a dad by my side.

money isn't important to me.
i do not care if i have money or not.
though i've always said i wanted to marry a rich wife,
i do not care if i ever marry a rich one or not! =)
i do not mind living as a farmer,
maybe a fisherman,
all i want, is to be with the people i love.

if i ever get married,
all i want is to just spend as much time as i can with my wife, my family.
life on earth is so short.
and my heart aches to know that finally one day,
when we're all in heaven,
i may never see them again,
would i even remember them?
would they remember me?
would our love on earth last?

we're given new bodies remember?
we may not look the same when we're in heaven...

heaven's supposedly the place that i and everyone else are looking forward to go to.
yet heaven sounds like such a sad place.
it just beats going to hell.
that's all...

though there we're one big family,
but i lose the family that i was born into.
i'll have a WHOLE MANSION to myself yet it's so big and empty i'd be so lonely.

and with that mansion,
there wouldn't be any homeless i can invite in,
no orphans i could shower my love on,
no poor i can share with (they'd prolly just mine the streets and they'd be richer than they are on earth...)

is heaven that wonderful after all?
and is life on earth that meaningless because we're looking forward to our home in heaven.

listen to my song, it cries out.

my 800th post!

wow wheee!!! 800th post. hahaha... i'm just bored studying. lol...

20/03/07

well, i went to malaysia today to make a pair of specs and go shopping hahaha... was rather fun!

things in city square JB is like stinking cheap! i should go shopping over there more often. also, i am really amazed at what they wear! hahaha.. u should see the girls man. i dunnoe how to describe.. 3 words - smauel and kelvin HOHOHO!!!

i mean, they have like 4 or 5 S&Ks IN A MALL!!! it's everywhere!! it's they're trend man! haha.... and yes the chinese boys! they have 1 hairstyle it's all the same and it's on almost every youthful chinese boy hahaha.. they have like fringes over their foreheads and the back of it standing a little. hahaha... everyone has it. it's like generic i tell u!

well... it felt good leaving SG. just being outside a while, i wished i had my draving license so that i can drive up my own and just enjoy the scenery. i miss penang. i love that place, really do. felt sooo far from everything i do not want to be near to hahaha... well, i had fun there.

i missed timor too! someone from heartlanders international or something just left me a msg, how cool, maybe i'd really be a volunteer or missionary for life. was just telling a friend... i'd prolly not work for money, but to bless others. i hope to return to timor.

thank god for pple like them, planting churches and building up communities.

19/03/07

*this is what you are supposed to cut and paste if you decide to participate in the tagging game.. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things about themselves as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.*

well, i am known in school as someone who does lots of wierd things, but right now, when it comes to writing them down, i cant think of any. haha...

1. ok, since my maid left, i have not eaten meals at the proper time, sometimes surviving on just 1 meal a day. but 1 thing i cannot go without is a meal before bed at night. like 9-10pm i'd suddenly feel sooooo hungry, i cant sleep! so i'd call my dad to buy back since he always come home late (he just called as i am typing this hahaha!).

2. oh!!! i remember another 1 thing, i am easily amused by something as long as it's either dumb, stupid, funny or all of the above and can just think and laugh over it! even after weeks, whenever i suddenly remember it, i'd just laugh to myself.

3. i dunnoe if this is weird, but i can remember a lot of things from my childhood. many things i see remain in my head and i can tell u everything at every point of my life especially when i feel like talking and have nothing to talk about, i'd sometimes ramble about my past. even as a toddler, i remember many things, MANY!

4. it's wierd that though i'm already so wierd i am having a hard time filling this up.

5. i love the company of slightly eccentric people. they make me laugh.

6. finally! since i came back from east timor, i love the smell of the "off" insect repellent (the supposedly unscented one but yet has this really sweet smell). i even have it next to my bed and spray it once a while! i guess this has to be the ultimate! haha...

ok, i dunnoe who else to tag already since all of u have tagged someone. so i shall leave it as that haha...

17/03/07

well, as i walked into tampinese building and up to the second floor, my heart was racing; i was a nervous wreck!

but guess what! i left the place feeling good and superb and excited!!!

well i'm today's director! (after 3-4 years since i last did it!) hohohoho!! so what u see on screen is my piece of art. i was soooo nervous, i was praying sooo hard. i thank god for zhilin, who gave me a crash course on all their equipment there. she was great and encouraging. i was feeling rather stressed as it's not like some normal church production or something but suddenly something big, SYNERGIZ!

she was like, "ok i'll help u for the first 10 minutes." i was like yes! PLEASE! then i remember on my own self reflection i did and realised how much i lacked in self confidence. i dunnoe why or when but i have this low self esteem in which i am trying to get rid of. i would turn to help immediately when in any (even the smallest of smallest) doubt. so i decided, to do something and said, "why not i do it, and if anything goes wrong, u help me out for the start."

yea!!! so i am sooo happy i did it all myself. i mean, i really feel good! ok, zhilin dd help me with the recordings and play backs haha...

neways i hope to go back to school for rugby and do the same thing next wed. i dont want to be the loser harharhar...

at first, when it began, man, i was like, all over the place!!! haha! i had to memorise my first few steps of what i was gonna do like a mantra. i just kept chanting it! hahahaha...initially, it was really a mess, i did not know what to do, when to change. but from the second song on, MAN! things were going good! and like my camera men became PRO! like we knew what each other were thinking and they'd just do what they feel is right, at the right time. something i NEVER expected! THEY DID GREAT! it made the movements on screen look so good!

i glorify god for helping me out!

next, the sermon, god is REALLY encouraging me all the way. cos how matthew barnette felt when he was about to give up is exactly how i feel now. i mean, it's not just the giving up part, but everything he mentioned and felt. though i could not go down for the alter call, i knew god was already working something, i mean, i feel good about my day - today. like finally one day i felt good! for the past few weeks, i led comfortable yet non-fulfilling days. it is just sucky. it feels lousy. but today, i feel sooo good, i want to do it all over again!

ok, what i did today. pay attention in class hohoho, donated blood, i felt exceptionally good when anders smsed me to thank me for being sucha friend and not letting him down today, den director, then the sermon, what more can i ask for!

god is just great! i really feeeeeeel sooooo stinking good today!

10/03/07

well... what am i worried about? haha!

I CAN DO ALL THINGS TROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!

04/03/07

somehow i feel pre service prayer every sat is a time at which god really speaks.

well, it's become a time in which i encounter god and look forward too and a time which i really get serious in prayer.

everyone prayed a short prayer yesterday, as for me, i prayed a prayer in which i needed answers and assurance and something i felt pple around me needed too.

i am just glad that what i prayed was answered both in sis yin fan's msg and todays morning service. sis yin fan's msg was a really powerful reminder and something i needed help in. i thank god.

well, and perserverance, strength and hope preached today, assured me of my trust in the lord.

ok, hard to type cos i'm eating ba kua so.. i'll continue next time.

01/03/07

well, i'm worried about the future, not just mine, but my family's.

and what a time, such coincidence. i am listening to a cd speech, on some marketing business stuff, it sounds so much like a sermon, talking about dreams, about a passion that burned about being challenged, well... it makes me feel all warm inside cos i feel tt i identify right now.

i need direction.

i have been running away, running running running, running for so long. i guess it's about time to face my problems, to face life - reality. i've been dreaming for too long. dreaming empty dreams. dreams i thought would be achievable but i guess it's not cut out for me. i do not know what to do.

yea, i wish one day, i'll become the man, the man that will share all the things i had to overcome, words which would inspire people.

if this man could talk about this business like talking about christ, i wonder what happened if he was a pastor, how he would touch the world. he can inspire pple to be warriors for christ.

arh!!! i just want to be with God. i just want to bask in his presence. i just want him to be a friend, so close to me, hugging me, telling me how much he loves me. i need him.