30/04/07

last day of the month. been 3 weeks since i enlisted.

well, maybe because i was mentally prepared, ns don't seem as tough as i imagined it to be. but well.. problems i face would be my fitness level and the mental challenges in camp.

ns is not just about being fit, but mentally fit. it can be really tough. i'd say that i've grown stronger mentally, am able to endure longer than before, but i still need to work more on it. also, another aspect of it is about controlling of emotions and handling them.

it can get real tough, cos being apart of the people i love is just... really unbearable. however i do get some encouragement here and there and these really pushed me on during training. thinking of the people i love during my long runs, thinking about what i want to achieve, all these has helped me keep my mind of my body.

i'd say during the first 1 and a half weeks, i've put more than a 100% in my training, all think about is to make the people i love proud of me just this once in my life. but as time went by, things got tougher and my discouragement grew... fell ill, and began feeling detached.

if i could just hear something i've always wished to hear, if i could just see what i've always wanted to see, if i could just feel that feeling i've longed for, if only i knew, that there's someone, standing by me through all these...

if i just know that God was by my side. i mean i know he's always there, but i believe u get what i mean. maybe i lack faith.

i'm not sad or what, i just need to fight my mind like what i've been doing for the past 2 weeks... all about mind over body.

if a tear could ease all my fear, i'd let it fall.
but letting it out, means losing to what i've fought so hard to control.

mind over body......

well, i have to thank dot and et for praying for me throughout this period of time, i mean there are also many others, just that i do not know. but it's because of all ur prayers, things in camp have been really like a miracle. from the company i entered, to the individuals in my bunk. it's definitely the hand of God over me. i cant ask for anything better, i'd say it's one of the best i can have, or the best.

thank you all for praying... even those who did not tell me, i roughly know who u are and so thank you all once again.

even if it was just a short moment in time...

itsumo itsumo warattete

28/04/07

is there someone who could change my world...

-

"our greatest glory consists not in never falling... but rising everytime we fall."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"the most rewarding things you do in life are often the ones that look like they cannot be done."
- Arnold Palmer

the desire to love dissipated.

Hope

It's magic and it's free
It's not in a prescription
It's not in an IV.

It punctuates out laughter,
It sparkles in our tears,
It simmers under sorrows,
And dissipates our fears.

Do you know what Hope is?
It's reaching past today,
It's dreaming of tomorrow,
It's trying a new way.

It's pushing past impossible,
It's pounding on the door,
It's questioning the Answers,
It's always seeking more.

It's rumors of a breakthrough,
It's whispers of a cure,
A roller coaster ride
Of remedies, unsure.

Do you know what Hope is?
It's candy for the soul,
It's perfume for the spirit,
To share it makes you Whole

Unknown Author

09/04/07

Getting Here from Here

An American businessman was at a pier in a small coastalMexican village when a small boat with just one fishermandocked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fintuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. TheMexican replied that it only took a short while.

The American then asked why he didn't stay out longerand catch more fish. The Mexican said that he had caught enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The American then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time? The fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife,Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my friends. I have a full and busy life, senior."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds,buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds earned fishing from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats and eventually you will have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling yourcatch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the processor,eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leavethis small village and move to Mexico city, then LA and eventually New York City where you will run your expanding enterprise.

"The fisherman asked, "But senior, how long will all this take?"

The American replied, "15-20 years."

"But then what, senior?"

The American laughed and said, "That’s the best part.When the time is right, you would sell your company stockto the public and become very rich. You would make millions!"

"Millions, senior? Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play guitar with your friends.

am off! =D

09/04/07

ok! today's the day! just 5 more hours till i wake up, 8 more hours till i enlist! =D

so sunday was a rather fulfilling day. did all i wanted to do; to bless a few pple before i enter. well, i'm happy i did. i saw a lot of =)))))) hahahahahahaha.. so well, i'm =DDDDDDD

ok! in just 2 weeks or so i'd be out! cant wait till then. right now, mixed feelings, happy, sad, excited, nervous and of course scared! hahahaha... oh well!

i'll do my very best!

07/04/07

today's my grandfather death anniversary, so went down to the columbarium today. i kind of like that place hahaha.... wierd huh. but it has the real eerie quietness and stillness which seems rather peaceful. and everytime i go there, it seem to rain ha....

ok i am just sooo glad i managed to go to the edge!!! i dunnoe... just glad. but i was too tired at that time... just kept zoning off... i really thought i could not make it. just as usual, sermon and all really reflects how i feel. and recently i've also learnt that God speaks to his people through many various ways. one is through the word, other ways are through sermons, lessons, life experiences etc. so always pay attention to the preacher! hahaha...

neways, after tt, i had to meet some friends... it's nice that we met up. have to thank miss kai ling for the easter egg she made me. it was really well done, and beautifuly designed. THANKS! =)

guess today wasn't tt bad after all =)

05/04/07

somebody is very proud of you.
somebody is thinking of you.
somebody is caring about you.
somebody misses you.
somebody wants to talk to you.
somebody wants to be with you.
somebody hopes you are not in trouble.
somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
somebody wants to hold your hand.
somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
somebody wants you to be happy.
somebody want you to find him/her.
somebody wants to give you a gift.
somebody wants to hug you.
somebody thinks you ARE a gift.
somebody admires your strength.
somebody wants to protect you.
somebody can't wait to see you.
somebody loves you for who you are.
somebody treasures your spirit.
somebody is glad that you are their friend.
somebody want to get to know you better.
somebody wants to be near you.
somebody wants you to know they are there for you.
somebody would do anything for you.
somebody want to share their dreams with you.
somebody is alive because of you.
somebody needs your support.
somebody will cry when they read this.
somebody needs you to have faith in them.
somebody trusts you.
somebody hears a song that reminds them of you.

remember there's alwasy somebody.

04/04/07

today was another wonderful day!

i am just feeling sooo happy these past few weeks/days so much so, i just wanna do something for pple around me to make them happy too! =D

itsumo itsumo warattete

anyways, caught pathfinders today. gory, brutal show give it a 2/5 not tt nice. but it's ok la, some may enjoy. i think it lacks the display of strategy, though there's a little.

so... this would prolly be the last time anders and i go out for now. hahahaha... am gonna miss him, dunnoe how we got hooked up after the As and began hanging out quite a bit, but it's cool.

oh well... i decided to do what readers' digest say "live each day as if it's ur last" and it seems to be making me much more happy! hahahaha... i feel that my days are fulfilling days. worth the living. then just nice, i read another article about 1000 marbles. how we have only 3900 saturdays in a lifetime and tt we should spend them wisely. life's short on earth, we'd spend eternity in heaven, scary huh HA!

oh well! time for bed. have been sleeping at this unearthly time for quite sometime and now i cant sleep till about 2+. shall just lie around and wait for myself to enter dream world...

ah... have been having sweet dreams...=D

03/04/07

ok! today's the most exciting day! filled with nostalgic thoughts.

i met up with my best friend today!!!!!!!!!!!

after 7 years!!! and when i say best, i mean best, no one has ever been better than him. i can write a 1000 word essay about him and yet have more to write about him. he is just the best. a loyal friend, one i can trust. closer than a brother.

so nice.... he used to be the one always getting bullied and i'd be the one always protecting him and fighting with the adults/bullies/teachers for him. and he'd cover up any mistakes for me if it means getting himself punished and he'd say "nvm." with a little smile. see! arent we just a superb combo! a friendship so strong it endures suffering.

i thought things would be different since we have been separated for so long and that we're all grown up. guess nothing much's changed! =D one thing is, he cant recognise me. and i cant recognise his voice. from that screechy voice recorded in my mind to this low and deep all grown up manly voice.

we sat down at long john after catching the number 23 which is by the way the coolest movie ever! thriller, mystery. superb! it'll be a whole post if i were to blog about it so back to the point. we just began chatting and thinking about the young days. how we became best friends and stuff. and he has long forgotten everyone, everything! man... i would've been forgotten too if i did not force my mom to dig out his house number 4 years ago. thank god we're still in contact... imagine losing my one and only best friend...

so like so many pple i remembered. and i began describing each and everyone to him. i remember every detail so clearly and how kevin from my pri school, lays from MI and claire from church are linked HOHOHO!!!

then i talked about all the wierd stuff like erm.. i should not say who! hahahahaha!!! and it's like pple grew so wierd it began scaring him HA! he's just been away from everyone for too long!

see la! move away so early, leaving me behind and go to some secluded place in sg. i used to miss him a lot when i was younger... (this remind me of the anime i'm watching alice academy. such similar incidents ha!)hohoho!! i dun blame him la.. he did not have the choice. ha....

then i met this girl from sec school and there was link with her and what i talked to my best friend about. everything seemed linked and sentimental today! (hehe tt girl used to like me and i found some of her gifts recently) then, someone found something i made for her haha =P. and surprisingly one of my school friend msned me saying "hi and bye" read her mind. (harharhar! cant hide from me! hohoho) i mean all in one day! then even this guy from sentosa msned me. like today's so special, sooooo coool!!!

whooo!!! best day ever!

02/04/07

The Lord is my light and

my salvation;... the strength of my life;

of whom shall i be afraid?

psalm 27:1

1/04/07

blogging again! cos i'm bored!!! hahahahaha... gonna sleep soon.

hahaha.. sunday morning my parents cant find me any where the house, but my mom found me in the end on the study room's floor. hahaha..

well... i couldn't sleep on saturday night. so at around 2+am i baked 2 pizzas and tot that after i fill my stomach, i'd be able to go to bed. after finishing it, my eyes were wide as ever! like MAN! i wasted 2 pizzas!

i carried my pillow, go to the study, and pull down to long pillows, put them side by side and sleep facing the window, looking out into the sky. unknowingly, after staring into the sky for sometime, i fell asleep! hahahaha...

well.. i had too much to think about again. as usual... my brain's active. nothing emo or what la ahahaha.. but i was thinking about my friends, about pple close and what i wanna do the next week before ns. hahaha.. so i cant sleep. gonna miss sooo many.

01/04/07

HEY! WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO APRIL FOOL'S DAY!?!?!?!?

why i did not get a single prank the whole day!? brb, lemme go prank my sis first then i'll continue. cant believe no one pranked or got pranked. what in the world!?

well.. went to my sis's room but she was already asleep. but! i managed to prank the guys playing dota hohoho!! so at least today din go to waste! hahahaha!!!

ok, tonight was my talk a lot night again. time of the week, i get high and just start blabbering HAHAHAHA!!! oh well.. i enjoy it and it's therapeutic. hohoho!

k la.. i should get some sleep already. i was feeling sooo sleepy during service. canr wait till next sun. but after that, ns... AWWW!!! no more playing.

well... i guess for the next whole week, i cant waste a single minute and i have to put every second to use.

time to live as if i've got a year left ha...