juz an update..

so anyway, i would like to write some stuff regarding the things on my tag board. to anonymous no.2, thanks for being sucha freind but it is ok for them to say wadeva they want... i noe all i do is see lilo from far... but that is nice enough for me though i really wish we could be friends (at least). haha.. i really respect her view on not having a boyfriend at this point of time. that is, until she finds her Mr Right. haha... dun need to worry about me getting hurt again... i wont. i'll try not to heh... pple are given a choice, so if she's taken in the end, it is fine with me.. =) it is wad she has chosen ya? some things cant be forced... it occurs over time. so juz take things step by step. tt's how i ended up in MI. haha....

yea.. i noe she noes... this thing started a long time ago juz that i did not bother it cos i had esther... but after she left me, my brains sort tao. haha.. i guess it is fear that holds me back the most... imagine someone like me that does not really bother about girls last time wants to chase after one. it's difficult u noe. even esther is other pple help me one. haha.. i nearly died of embarrassment that time. lol!

oh ya, ahwei.. it is ok for pple to say wad they want. it is good to listen to other pple's views too u noe.. in future, let's not touch abt hu's at fault between me and esther k? it is all over. i'm over it already.. i juz want to go school and see lilo haha...

ok. so juz now i fell asleep all the way till 8.45. woke up, did some stuff.. practice passing with my dad.. nothing much i did. time juz fly so fast... oh ya. i juz want to say sorry to everyone and anyone if i have ever offended them. haha.. dunnoe y i am saying this too..

leave me alone...

wad is ur problem? u pple are always talking about esther this, esther that. leave me alone. dun remind me of her already.. it has been a long time since we broke up so let it rest dude..

that guy came in cos esther needed someone better than me to love her ok? i am at fault. after o's i worked, finish work only late at night.. i started school, i dun have time for her now cos we are at to different places. also i finish school late these days. this is not like secondary school where i can always go down to her house and pei her. i need to study and relax too u noe. i have 2 cca's and i really want time to spend alone. maybe i should have broken up with her a long long long long long time ago. man. u pple are making regret not breaking up with her.

juz leave me alone.. wad did i do to u pple. live's nice and peaceful for me now. leave me alone....pls! argh!!!! i hate it when pple cant leave me alone after so long. my fault, my fault, it is all my fault!!! now u pple happy.I HAVE ADMITTED! IT IS ALL MY FAULT! so leave me alone.

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man... today was so boring.... din do much today. i was so bored that i juz decided to go sweep the floor during shamala's class... oh ya.. had physics test today.. it was ok la... pam kept taking away my test paper and copy... tell her i not sure, she still copy haha.. but quite correct la my anwsers.. a bit wrong here and there only...

i was still ok today until when i read my tag board. i juz cant stop thinking about why we broke up. i juz dun understand y esther like him... i always ask myself wad did he do to be better than me. i am willing to spend all my money on esther juz to help her save money, remind her day after day to go study. call her everyday in case she gets upset with me. i have done so much for her. my last bit of money was spent during the last we went out before we broke up. i remember how shocked i was when i had no money to buy the adidas bag i am carrying now. thanks to kira if not i really wont be carrying that bag.

man.. i juz feel so wierd today... so erm... i think wierd is still the best word to describe. maybe depressed... hah.. i spent all my time after school today loitering and most of the time spent in the library... slept there for quite sometime... cant stop thinking of lilo... i barely saw her around today... only when sam's going back den they told me she's in the canteen... man i juz felt happy for once today.. it's really nice noeing she's around..

i din stay back for night study today cos i juz feel so wierd... maybe cos i feel like studying chem and my chem tys is at home.. so kinda pang seh kira and jj... sian la.. feel like resting at home too..

so i stop here. maybe if feel like updating, den i update later tonight..

MILLIE!!! (updated)(re-updated)

ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! millie!!! u best ar! make me so pai seh... kaoz... today after school, before chem extra lesson, i was in the canteen. den suddenly when i was talking half way, all of them stopped and juz stared at me. i tot wad happened ar.. de when i turned, i saw a really really big spider!!! i was scared man. it was so big. den sagnita (dunnoe how to spell haha) came and pretended as if there's a spider moving down my back. man, i was scared! haha... after that, they all start laughing. den i noe i kenna punk'd lol! haha..

man.. disgrace... so anyway, school's fine today. had a nice time... juz remembered... we played touch after P.E. haha.. was fun.. though me and kira kept losing... our moves sucked la.. haha.. i think i played like shit today. i think lack of practice.. i should practice more.. Hui jiun say that i like kbkb on the field haha.. maybe cos me and kira discussing tactics and cos i keep shouting. haha... hmmmm.... i din do much today. after school juz stayed back to play mu online with the others. kinda got bored of it. so akira and junjie were there... asked them if they wanted to leave. in the end, the leave and i am down here typing this haha....

ok.. so i am gonna go for dinner now and come back for night study... today's nice hee...


********update********

ok! back from night study!! haha.. studied with kira and junjie. first time i like talk so little. i concentrated on my physics but my mind kept drifting away hehe.... i juz cant stop thinking of blah blah blah.. haha... dunnoe wad's wrong with me tonight.. i really couldn't focus.. kept thinking about wad happened today. haha.. tonight full moon so nice. this means kira dot dot dot hahahahahahahaha!

during nite study, we also talked about mushroom head wuahahahahaha!!!!!!! so funny! he like use a bowl put over his head den tell the barber cut the side for him $2. hahaha.. mushroom head.. ahahahahahaha!!!!!!! tml muz go school early make fun of him.

now at home typing this, can hear the sound of children playing sparklers downstairs.. how nice... wish i was still living at pandan gardens... with all those old buncha friends... life was so carefree and fun back then... we would make rockets out of sparklers... play with candles and fire... and it is so romantic. make me think of this girl that i used to play with when i was young. den all the other boys would fight for her haha... i liked just sitting on top of the rock climbing wall and watch everyone else play... pandan gardens... such a beautiful place... so windy and peaceful..

my utopian monarch from norway juz msged me to go get my account ready. wuahaha... we are juz so good that we were transferred to the battlefields. cool! so gonna go get my kingdom ready see u guys!

********re-update********
haha lots of updates ya? cos i am bored.. i din study when i came home.. from juz now till now, i am having a headache.. so anyway, i watched 'i robot'. man it was cool. haha... i am really worried for promos yet i am not studying.. haiz... dunnoe wad is wrong with me... my headache now is really getting on my nerves.. i think it is because 'i am allergic to bullshit.' haha...

it's late.. i think i juz need some sleep. so good night.

i'm all exposed... and all torn inside...

hmmm.. now that i'm all exposed, it aint fun anymore haha... j/k.. it is juz embarrassing noeing that u guys have been visiting my blog and i din noe it.. haha.. about the lilo thingy, let's wait till after promos k? hee...

this blog is juz a place where i really like to write down how i feel about things, makes me feel kind of comfortable writing them down.. i really am lost for words now, but i think i'll juz talk about some stuff..

so... some of u guys say i am fickle minded and stuff. but esther already told me she wont be bothering me anymore. i also juz msg her to tell her that. she's angry with me now and she hates me... but wad can i do?? i really dun want to have anything to do with her maybe until we are all grown up. i am so damn afraid she'll do the same thing to me once i get into the army or even before that. i am feeling so pain in my heart now. she says that our love cant go through even the smallest obstacles, but wasn't it for her liking someone else that we broke up? why am i getting blamed? i begged her. u think i din? she hurt me even more... she told me she'll nvr love me again, she said that she'll love him forever. she din want to talk to me, see me or have anything to do with me.. now, she wants to patch. but it's too late. i want to be alone... i missed the past sometimes, thought about u, but it always hurts me to noe that there's someone else whom u like. it hurts me whenever i think of u. sometimes, it makes me feel like crying when i think about u in school...

i really needed time out. she says i play more games than talk to her. she juz dunnoe how much i loved her. i felt so pathetic for a guy to beg her when she was leaving me. i gave her one last call after we broke up and i was weeping and telling her i cant let go of her. but it din help.

she says she loves me more than i do. but i am the type who would love someone with all my heart. i can say that i am very loyal to 1 person and i wont have a second.. i would nvr in my life think of breaking up cos i like someone else. it is unfair. but becos of the way she treated me, my love for her suddenly faded... i was more comfortable being in school. i felt so free after we broke up.

she says i asked for the break. i did. it's cos after sometime, i felt that she din really bothered about me on the phone. usually, when i want to put down the phone, she would be reluctant, sad and all. instead, she was so willing always saying that she has her own things to do. also when i asked her out the last time, she din make an effort to ask her mom. she kept rejecting and stuff always saying her mom dun allow and stuff. so i had to ask her mom on my own and her mom actually agreed. after all these, i asked her if she wanted to break though i really dun want to.. cos i noe she wont want to break as i forced her to promise me that she wont leave me after the last time we broke up and patched.. there are also things that held from us from breaking up, and i din want those stuff to make her feel that she has to be with me for life. though i wished she would. she's always blaming me. saying it's my fault. FINE! it is! so leave me ALONE!

dont pple want to have their own life? i do.... i really loved her and at the same time, wanted to have time off to enjoy myself. i cant always be glued to her. there's always a point like husband and wife where they still love each other but they dun show it so often.. they juz do their own stuff dun u think so? it's the same. i love her, but i want my own life... since she cant accept that, i'm really sorry. she really hurt me a hell lot... i cant belive wad she told me when we broke up. i was so heart broken....

it's all in the past now. she hates me.. ok. i wished that 'hu' guy nvr exsited. he spoilt everything. i dunnoe how to tell u guys. but now, i dun want to have anything to do with her... we were suppose to still be friends and we were. but she juz wont let me go. i too couldn't let her go at first. but wad my friends say are true. if she truly loved me, no outsiders could get in our way. i trusted her to the extent that when pple ask me whether i am worried cos she's in another school, i would tell them, " if other guys want to jio her, i'll juz sit back and watch the nice show. i trust her."

i told her to leave me alone already, maybe i said it wrongly. wad i meant was have no feelings for me, but still be my friend... haiz... i juz want to go to sleep now and return to school tml. i'll feel better by then.

feeling so lonely..

haiz.. today like so sian.. again nvr do much work.. haha... now 9 plus liaoz.. feel like sleeping haha.. i feel like bathing again. so hot.

anyway, today went to church and came back straight. watch this dvd... erm.. driving miss wealthy if i not wrong. some honkie show. haha.. quite nice la.. my father bought a lot of dvds from malaysia, so now slowly watching em. den now trying to finish my G.P work. haiz... so sian.. i dun feel like studying at all..

at night i din do anything much except for watching tv and playing comp. so i think i stop here la. nothing much to write about. good nite pple.

finally... a day of relaxation!

haha.. finally.. today was so relaxing and it passed by not too fast and not too slow, though i hoped it had gone by a lil slower haha... today, i spent the day day playing games, watching tv and sleeping haha... nothing much happened i guess.. i think i should start revision for my promos.

so anyway, today supposed to go down to sam's house to study but i was too lazy. darn! i juz remembered my english assignment... man.. so screwed.. dunnoe if i can finish.. dun feel like doing. i feel like studying chem.. den tml i want to START studying maths. i am gonna ask nic to teach me. hope he's going to church tml. haha...

oh ya.. juz now i recieved a letter. at the begining i tot it was esther's letter. then at the bottom, i was shocked to see the word 'mic' made my heart beat fast haha... but i recognised esther's hand writing. den when i saw wad was inside, i confirm it was esther's letter. haha.. as read, that silly girl played a trick on me thinking i'd be angry. but i'm not la.. haha.. u are as cute as ever. hahaha... i kinda miss u, u noe.

anyway, let's not talk about those stuff. so now typing this. feel like studying later after playing some games haha.... i noe i very lazy. so let's not waste time. i shall go play now haha.

lalalalala~

i think it is time for me to go change blog title and stuff le. haha... is like these few days i have been trying to talk a lil lesser about those 2 but pple around me juz keep reminding me about them.. haiz.. i dunnoe wad to do ar.. haha.. i am like feeling so wierd haha...

so anyway, today i enjoyed P.E. den break nothing much. only after school when i was feeling real love sick haha.. i was thinking of ec in class den when i got to the library to study, i felt like seeing lilo. haha.. i stayed back and study till late in the afternoon. tot by then lilo would have gone home. suddenly she juz pops into the library. wah.. make me so damn happy hahahaha... like i erm.. i also dunnoe how to explain how i felt. juz felt nice noeing she's still around. hee..

after that go comp lab and play, play, play. haha... den akira wanted to stay for night study but i psycoed him to go home with me. so i ended up talking with him and kelvin about wad happened the other day. haha.. so silly. i was like talking about it step by step according to wad happened. both of them like want to fall asleep haha..

at night i had net. like usual, a fast and short one.. today i was a lil tired. but i still manage to catch some stuff. so ok i stop here nitez pple!

oh MAN.....

aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! so embarrassing.. haha.. 2 things in one day! my gosh! man..........

ok... so it started off with my parents rushing me and my sis to school today. haha.. i was going to be late again. so my dad decided to take a chance and go by bukit timah (which is always jammed) but today wierd sia. no jam. haha.. so its like usually he fetches my sis to school first cos it's nearer. but today he fetched me to school den go all the way back and drop my sis off.and guess wad!? both of us were not late!! haha thank God! it is really amazing. normally, it is like beyond hope, confirm wont reach school on time. haha...

juz before assembly, all of a sudden jun jie and zhida came up to me. jun jie was like having THAT kind of smile and waving to me. den he asked me whether i want to ask lilo join us for the entreprenuer comp. i say dun wan. cos surely very paiseh one. in the end, he still went to ask. but he told me lilo dun wan to join cos she's the only girl. was kinda both relieved and a lil disappointed haha...

so first period chem lecture. hee.. u guys noe la.. but i got pay attention hor! after that break. maths class i was sleeping through out.. so nice. haha.. too tired ar.. dunnoe y. den chinese play bingo lol. i kept winning. wuahahahaha!!! told u guys i was unbeatable. haha...

after school, physics lecture was for the first time cool. haha... i guess all of us were in good mood. mr chen no pms la. hahahaha!! den had chem lecture again hee! den kenna disturb by stupid akira. talk until so loud. u think pple deaf ar!? so anyway, i was hiding for a while. haha...

after school din stay for night study cos i needed to finish up my G.P. i'm feeling too guilty la.. i nvr hand up a single piece of assignment. haiz.. hehe... den i walked down with teck seng cos i needed to go 7-11 get something. saw lilo in front. wasnt really bothered until sandra kept looking back.... so paiseh ar! i dun dare to walk with my face up haha.. den mr fong walked in front den start talking with them. confirm about me one. usha and sandra laughing away and mr fong kept turning back.

in the end me and TS managed to overtake them through a short cut. so not paiseh liaoz. den as i was approaching the traffic light, it turned red. OH MY GOSH!!!! i knew they were gonna catch up. aaaaa!!! they did! i was so embarrassed. i juz stand there act blur lol! den when cross liao, i go straight to 7-11. when i came back, i was too afraid to stand near them. so i stood at the other corner.. i was hoping that their bus would faster come cos if not, i have to walk towards them in order to board my bus.( they were at the front of the bus stop )

in the end, my bus came first!! damn! i walked there with my head on the bus all the time haha.. too embarrassed ar.. den as i boarded the bus, sandra started saying stuff.. obviuosly disturbing me! (or lilo, for that case) she kept saying "u got watch that erm.. erm.. that show? that one? blah blah blah" den suddenly usha shouted "LILO AND STITCH!!!" i ran up the bus. haha... so paiseh.. i dun dare to face them liaoz...

haha.. exciting day ya? dun u guys think? haha...

WHY!!!???

why... i dun understand why i am having problems with juz this 3 ruggers in school... they always spoil my day... wad did i do to them? i ask them, they dun wan to say. i say sorry, they aso dun care. wad u wan me to do!?

today was late cos of my sis.. slow la she.. if not i could've been early today. din like doing the morning chores but the teachers were nice so i din really care bout it. den i went back to class and then to the toilet. when i went in, the first thing Lc... he say i join wanderers and stuff and start saying me. say wad i have to face hanchin. den i tell him i can play other position so why would i play against hanchin? i train all the other positions in wanderers. (juz to let u guys noe, i am training in touch only. i cant compare with the austrailian ruggers. they are so big.)so wad's the problem? zhiwei said cos of wad i said, he say me siowchang. i din really understand it at first but as i returned for class, i kept thinking about it, and it distracted me from the whole lesson. slowly i kinda understand wad he meant. he was trying to say i showing off rite? but i am not. i swear. juz cos i say i can play all other positions den i show off? nvm. the worst part is that Lc went telling pple about it which really pissed me off and when i try explaining, he did not seem to belive me... haiz... it really hurts me.

i dunnoe wad i did to lc and zhiwei ESPECIALLY alan. i did nothing to alan and he's condemning me. *WTH* i have nvr treated Lc as an enemy or wad. last time when pple tell me about Lc this and Lc that, i would defend him and say some good stuff for him and now, he treats me like this. i tot he was my friend.. playing in LT and all.. now is like my mentality of him has changed. like today when the SCs ask me about him being a leader and stuff, the first thing was y would i want him to be a leader? but i still tried to say some good stuff, like supporting him instead of mannan(that's after i minus those grudges i have against Lc). some times he like to say me hands no good and stuff. i would listen. i only cant stand it when he keeps repeating it.. it is not like i nvr practice passing and all. i got practice.. maybe i juz suck at it.

this few days, zhi wei has kinda treated me much more nicer and i am really damn glad and thankful. i was even shock when he supported me to go for publicity I.C... i noe i have pissed him off when i touch his chin. but i said sorry already and i've stopped doing it... why he still seems so cold towards me? i feel all this condemning started only after the toucher thingy began. dunnoe hu start la. but i wont blame that person. i love touch anyway...

but seriously i dunnoe wad the hack is wrong with alan lor... he is like sheep. follow wad the others do. they condemn me, he follow. *bah bah bah* i got nothing against him but now is like cant stand him. even some yr 2 ruggers cant stand him too... racist, hot tempered and all.. dun wanna say too much. not here to insult pple. but y have he got to treat me so mean. is like after our boring touch game recently, i was telling the rest about a tactic i felt would score us a try. and alan was like giving that kind of " wah! so clever!" look. it's like so insulting lor..

i juz hope things would be ok after the yr 2s leave.. i dunnoe wad i'm going to do if i ended up like max. it sucks.

talking about my past. haha..

hmm.. juz now night "study", quite fun la... everyone talking about their past... mine was a real havoc but it's the past right? haha... guess not many pple noe about my horrid past. only ec and now, sam, teck seng and miyane. haha... kinda nice being able to talk about it though i had a terrible childhood. thank God i got to know God. only after i became a christian and start understanding, then i started to change..more soft hearted. haha.. dun really like it last time cos it kinda allowed me to get bullied, but come to think of it, it has brought me more friends... hahaha....

so anyway, today was a funny day full of laughter... haha.. cant remember everything though.. one thing i remembered was when i entered ah wei's chinese class. den teacher ask wad is a cow used for. ah wei say eat. haha.. then teacher say "u can only think of eating is it??" haha.. they were doing some cow and chicken chen yu. haha... hmmm.. den had fun after school when we had the chem and physics extra lesson.. mixed around and played a fool with those s2 guys.. haha.. i was really bored man...

oh ya.. i need a girl for my entreprenuer competition.. so i need to go find one... asked millie but she dun wan.. i wan a girl cos girl very neat den they help tidy all our rough work and type out a nice piece of work. haha... hmmm.. i kinda feel that my england very powderful.. haha... i scared cannot pass G.P. ar.. sianz... if i dun pass G.P. , i think i retain liaoz...

i noe i confirm can pass chem and physics if i work hard.. but i am still worried.. i dun wanna get retained.. i think i'll ask nic to teach me. he seems to be a very patient teacher lol! haha....

i think nothing much liao la.. so see everyone tml bye!

wot's going on??

hmmm... so sze ling noe's zhen_sar?? hmmm.. zhen_sar... hu can u be?? but anyway, u've been kinda nice and caring thanks. really would like to noe hu u are though.. haha...

so today... wad happened ar.... erm.. nothing much. i nearly forgotten about those 2 today till i was reminded by mishalini and akira (cos he was telling me about the zhou jie lun song-jie kou) i changed place in class... teacher felt that i can still study while sitting at the back so he shifted me behind with mishalini. haha.. had quite a lot of fun playing there today. disturbing her and all.. also i have 2 tables to myself now wuahahaha!!

today quite nice la.. had fun. in the morning already like so slack. me and akira went to canteen buy stuff cos i hungry.. hee.. haven eat breakfast, den came late to school so could not buy stuff... surprisingly, luke chen let us go down and buy. first time sia.. today he like very happy. lol!

den after school... went to eat dinner den stayed for night study. i could not concentrate.. haha. my mind was all on rugby and occasionally those 2 haha.... den zhida also msg me disiao me... say something about our entreprenuer grouping.. he wanna ask lilo join. i say no, den dunnoe him la... i think he is up to something with junjie.. heck la... as long as it doesnt embarrass me and affect my thinking. i need to do lots of thinking in this competition and hope to win something for the school once again. if got any supplyer or wad, u guys can intro to me.. anything that sells fast, i accept.. haha...

ok i shall stop here for tonight. nite pple.

a normal day...

haha.. this morning, wake up go church. hmmm.. today's sermon like very long. den i in video room with the other guys talk cock haha... hmmm.. wad else happened today... oh ya.. i think it's desmond's birthday ya? juz wanna wish him happy birthday! (sorry no pressie la.. din noe.. heh)

eh... now feeling much better about those 2, i think i should listen to zhen_sar's words. haha...(whoever u are... tell me hu are u leh.) i should go study hard and do well for promos! really wanna study but when i see my lecture notes, sianz..... hahahahaha.. that's me!

juz now i slept for 3 hours straight! haha... tonight dun need to sleep liaoz... haha... nvm can think about things at night or play tomb raider on my hp. hehe... talking about tomb raider... i was thinking about this old friend of mine.. david feng ming xiao... anyone noe him?? i guess he'd be in one of those top JCs... anyone noe him, gimme contact ok??

hmmm.. i guess there's nothing much to write today so stop here. looking forward to school tml(though it's gonna be a long day haiz.. see u guys!

maybe it's time to change..

ah... back from church... today kinda had some fun.. went to sam's house to 'study' haha... the whole world noe's i can nvr study. lol! so played aqround with her handphone wuahahaha.. read msgs about wadeva... i dun even noe wad they were about and she was so worked up haha.... it was fun.. went to play cs with akira and ah seng. realise that i have lost touch. but slowly regaining it... my sniping used to be much muich more better. haha.. remember how i used to challenge matt to sniping. he's good. tyco clan's top few. but tyco clan aso closed down liaoz haha...

so after that, went for edge. obviously i was late. din have a place so shifted a chair down and block the isle haha... after that.... went to eat bk at bukit batok. den went down to the stall elvin recomended us for cookies. they are wonderful!!

so came home and now typing this...

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ok... now wad i wanna say.. haha.. yea.. i should really spend some time on my own and do some thinking. start making decisions yer noe... oh yea.. today lilo appeared on the straits times. i think she looked good on it when it's looked at from far. haha...(not saying she's not good looking from near.) i kinda feel sorry about wad i did to esther too.. make her wait for me for nothin cos i am not planning to patch. i think i din really treasure her during this time.. but i felt the same way last time too yer noe.. it was like my love's taken for granted. it din really mattered how much i cared or loved her... it hurts u noe... that's when lilo came in and kinda made me feel better. by doing nothing. it's like she's caring by doing nothing haha.. wierd. i guess it's juz comforting to see her around in school. that's all...

anyway, i've made up my mind to let things be as it is now. yea... maybe i should even change the name of my blog. i am not waiting to crashland at the right place, but rather be alone and noe that i have a buncha caring friends whom i like to be with.. i'll juz see how things go.. wish to have someone by my side who would care for me.. it's nice in the past to have ec caring for me... feel extremely loved. but now like i said, cos of everything that has happened. i kinda feel less for both of em unless.... they are nearby.. haiz... i'm so weak. i cant put things down and let em be.. haha... i guess that's juz me.

out of place?

i din write an entry yesterday cos nothing much happened yesterday and i din have the time.. after school, had the G.P. lecture thingy den stayed in comp lab till it closed. by the time i reached home it was 7.45 den i went for net.. oh ya.. met esther tan, elvin, caleb and qiu xia at bukit batok too...

so this morning when i woke up, i juz kept wanting to go back to sleep... i juz feel so wierd today when i woke up. i felt as if i dun wanna wake up. juz keep sleeping and stay in my dream cos it's much nicer there... in the end, i still have to wake up.. so i juz turned on the laptop straight away and indulge myself in my games...

after a while, teck seng msged me telling me lilo's in today's paper.. so went out and look for it. haha.. she was at an interview yesterday for some caring teacher thingy i guess... no wonder i did not see her in the hall... wish i could also be someone hu could help make a difference hehe... cool... so anyway, after a while, i went back to my room and chatted on msn..

dunnoe y but today i feel kinda "in the wrong place" i dunnoe how to describe wad i feel.. but all i noe is that i only feel like going down to marina breakwaters and fish. alone... dun want to be disturb juz wanna enjoy the wind and relax. forget about the pple around me... forget about things that has happened. juz enjoy the loneliness while i can... maybe it'll be nice to have someone with me too..

i also juz dun have the "feeling" for ec and lilo. it's like "huh? wad happened" haha... maybe it's juz cos i am not seeing or near them.. wierd.. it's like now i dun have anything. even me and ec has sorted things last night. and she chose a path to forget... i'm fine with it. it is also my indecisiveness that causes her to be sad. i juz wanna be alone... maybe this is juz how i feel now. hope things will change tml haha.....

Rugby Training today Rocks!!!

haha.. today i had loads of fun training in hazwana's club. man it was cool. haha... i din noe that they were a touch team and they don't play contact.. but hack la. this way, training's more fun and less tedious.. haha.... i finished real late at night dunnoe if i should call my dad or not... i did tell him in the morining that i would be at SMU training.. so i decided to juz call cos i was feeling kinda lazy. and guess wad!? he was there already!! haha.. cool! i was like, i want to bathe... haha... so i juz hop on and went home...

anyway, i looooove thursdays cos of chem lecture. u guys noe y la hor heh.. den best of all, when the day seems to be so dead. some hope struck me when i remembered we had listening comp. yay!! haha... this meant tt i'll be seeing lilo again!! haha... cool... listening compre was kinda easy *for the first time!* after that we were playing some chinese riddle stuff haha quite fun.

hmmm... after school, i stayed in the comp lab with sam, kira, miyane and kai ling. haha the funniest thing that happend was when i was trying to get sam away from the comp so that i can read wad they were chatting about. haha.. we fell off the chair. so i read some stuff in caps but i forgot den something about lover, sitting, blah blah.. i also forgot... haha lol!

so erm... juz wanna tell u guys how i've enjoyed my day. it was fun and cool and tiring.. guess wad. tml friday. haha.. this means..... P.E!!!! with ...... hahaha... ok. stop here. cya pple!

sick of studying..

man.. today i siao la.. i am like so sick of studying dat i couldn't concentrate the whole day... i kinda regret it. but i cant change it. all i can do is to study later and catch up on wad i've missed out. dunnoe y i like this ar... kaoz... i usually not like this one.. i wanna be happy and cheerful always..

so today like i said was boring. almost came late for school.. let me think wad nice things happened. erm.. i had a short meeting at the rugby table where i had to do a survey and we made fun of joshua haha.... den recess.. saw lilo haha...

aiya.. i go play games le la.. later can go study. i aso dunnoe wad to write. juz write this so that pple got things to read and comment haha... kk so see u guys tml!

sian la..........

haiz... today ar.... morning go sch akira aske me go seat at the benches there where lilo is.. so paiseh haha.... den erm... nothing much juz boring sch... P.E.... erm... nvr play games.. so sian....

hmmm... maybe i am really a coward... and i cant choose between 2. but i have made up my mind to remain neutral between both.. i juz wanna see em around.datz good enuff...

yesterday i nvr write cos i slept real early.. like say... 8.40... den i woke up at 2 and wanted to play comp but den i like got sweet dreams, so went back to sleep. haha....

anyway, after school, had rugby training. all rugby trainings to me are fun. today had tackle training.. no6 if u really think my tackling today is good and u mean it, thanks! hee... today i had very little injuries yay!!! haha.. teck seng aso kena pyscoed to join rugby. guess he's gonna quit YIC. after that, was thinking of going down to hazwana's club training to train and play touch for them... hope i can join as a permanant member.. but see how first la.. once school's rugby training stops, i'll go down. for sure.(forgot to mention, i think teck seng's a natural rugger. i think he should make a good touch rugby player considering his size and strength)

i think dat is all for today la.. juz all those sian stuff happened.. dunnoe leh... actually today quite fun and ok la.. haha.. when i was filing maths file... hahaha... only teck seng, sam and kailing noe wad i toking abt. k la. stop le. cya pple!

last day of holiday....

today's the last day of my 1 week hols... haiz.. it past real fast man... i guess it's becos of the camp.. =)

so erm... today's sunday... i love sundays but today i was real tired... i think it's becos of the camp... din want to go for evening service cos i was still half awake.. but i had duty... no choice... i'm not complaining.. i'm kinda fine with it.. it's my job and duty though...

so after evening service, i was going to go home. den ec asked me to go walk walk with her... so we walked to cck mrt.. i guess i still love her alot especially when i am near her.. but whenever the 'hu' comes into my head, my heart becomes very pain.. i dunnoe why.. it is becos of 'hu' that sparked off this mess... i am in one big one now... lilo or ec...

i went to causeway point... den ec asked me to go downstairs.. i was wondering why.. haha... in the end, she juz wanted me to spend more time with her.. so i walked her home.. kinda enjoy this time with her.. can finally talk to her and sort things out...

when i reached her house, i was greeted by her sister.. haha.. she's soo sweet.. kinda miss her a lot too.. those times i used to disturb her at her house... the guy who's gonna have her is real lucky man.. pretty and sweet.. haha...

after everything, i went home... i kept thinking and comparing... my conclusion, i am still confused.. i really hope that i can be at least friends with lilo if u noe( i cant make it).......... she seems to be sucha nice person.. sweet and all yer noe...really like her... ahhhhhhhhhh.. wad am my blabbering abt haha... kinda embarrassing, but i cant keep it in me.. i wanna tell u guys how i feel.. hee.... ;) so juz treat wad i juz said as some dumb stuff i blurted out cos i was drunk.. hehe... cant wait to get back to sch and see her at the bench lol...

.:Student Leadership Experience:.

heyeee peeps!! back from that really cool camp! din had much sleep sooooo, i went to sleep once i reached home.. heh... so erm... kinda miss home, but i love it there more.. ok so let me tell u about the camp.....

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Thursday...

thursday.... i went to school real early, din see anybody i knew.. kinda felt nervous.. den soon more people came and we assembled. by then, i was already friends with my group members. cool! farid's a cool guy. he's always there by my side. zaki's chatty and kinda make things less uncomfortable. the two crazy girls, revathi and adlina... haha... they juz cant stop laughing. and they were the 2 closest girls to me in camp. den liyana.. she's cool, quiet, but real clever. so lets go straight to the MOE adventure campsite..

when we reached, we played our first game which was about feedback and stuff.. it was a lil boring, den came the icebreakers.. that was when i knew almost everyone in the group. it was quite effective. den we had lunch. the food there ok ok la.. it is juz fun to be with everyone during meals...

after dinner, we went for our baths.. was kinda malu haha... cos there are no cubicles in the shower. juz one whole row.. haha.. at least girls have a shower curtain... the time i had after bathing was kinda precious and it passed fast... i'm always able to see lilo at least once each time i walked out.. was kinda nice being able to see her...

at night, we had a workshop.. everyone was already sleepy. however, we stil had fun in the end.playing a fool and playing games. we played the bomb game ( u noe the one that bomb here bomb there?? haha) den our name damn long, raja rumbutan haha... mr rum's name. den we had some other wierd games before the thing ended...

after everything, bedtime but we din go to bed. after i brushed my teeth, we went to sit at the edge of the field over looking all the buks. it was a damn romantic area.. astars and all... nice wind.. cool.. best of all, i could see lilo... walking in and out.. brushing her teeth outside... haha.. we had an early fire drill (cos we din go to sleep), juz after i had fallen asleep. i wore my shirt inside out haha.. too blur lol... the rooms are damn warm.. even with our shirts off, we were still perspiring..

.:zzzzzzzzz:.

Friday...

when i woke up in the morning, brushed teeth and all. den went out with zaki, farid and aliff to the so called romantic place again. we were still kinda asleep. din really talked mush. we juz observed the moon and we were as usual looking at people walking around, brushing their teeth...

so... after breakfast, we played the high elements. we had some belaying practice.. hehe.. groups 1,2,3 and 4 had a talk while 5,6,7 and 8 (my group,6 and lilo's group,8) this meant that i could see lilo all the time wuahahaha... had fun playing the high elements.

after the playing, we went for our lunch break. after lunch we had the longest break in the camp which was about an hour.. haha... we were in our bunks, sleeping, playing and stuff... den suddenly, the girls went to akira's bunk and told them rum wants to see them. so everyone rushed. halfway, they told those panicky guys it was a fake hahahaha.... so they were all kind pissed.. i was tricked too.. haha..

went to the hall after the hour passed.. everyone was once again sleepy though it was only mid afternoon. went through some planning competition.. was kinda slack haha.. i was logistics. nothin much to do. after it all, we went for dinner.

This is the night i loved the most. CAMPFIRE!!! man... i hadn't had one in a really long time...i loved it.. we had lotsa fun playing games.. we played blow wind blow to split everyone up like ice breakers.. but i din wan to cos lilo's group was next to ours.. scared i got bad place haha.... after blow wind blow, i was kinda far from lilo and.... we did the dance!!! the one erm.. as we step to the left, as we step to the right.. u noe this dance song?? the lyrics changed a lil.. so the guys kinda hinted me and wanted to pull me to lilo's side. but i was too embarrassed. after the dance, we went back to our original places yay! so it means that i am back near lilo. hee.

after all the fun, we had our night walk.. was a long way (though it wasn't that long) cos i was sleepy i guess... it was romantic once we reached the breakwaters.. the sound of the waves.... the quite peacefulness.... loved it.. kira kept telling me to go tel lilo ever since the first night, and labrador was like the perfect place... but i am embarrassed la.. we stopped by the jetty, den went back. it was fun.. chatting with friends playing around...

went back and bathed... den same thing, hehe... sat at my usual area at the field reading my msgs...saw one by quik... she erm... kinda missed me i guess... i really dunnoe wad to do with the both of us.. especially with those feelings i have for lilo... i dunnoe why i even like lilo so so much... den i saw lilo... things were juz different..i dunnoe wad and how to say.. really made quik sad i guess...

Last Day...

for our last day, we played something like a treasure hunt at labrador park. was nice going back there in the morning... had a lot of fun.. we met up after all the games as a whole and had to put together a bunch of words... our school's vision and mission. BUT, nobody knew them ahahahahahahahaha....

so rum gave up. we packed up and walked back... haha... we did some cleaning up and stuff and it was also soon time to go home.. went up to the hall once we packed up. gave out prizes.

after the prize giving, went to pack up and stuff.. kinda start missing lilo alot alot... juz couldn't stop thinking of her... i think i din want to go home... it was nice being able to see lilo everyday...

when we were dismissed, i waited for akira and we went to the bus stop together.. den joel and dave joined us. we took 51 (all follow akira ya?) though i colud take 188 with joel or 176 straight home. but i was hoping lilo would get on... guess she did not.. sad... but we had fun on the bus singing and playing guitar.. we were shocked how fast the bus took to reach jurong.. damn fast ah.... haha...

once we reached jurong, we stood there a while thinking of where we should go.. so in the end, i went home. while joel follew the rest. he needed company cos of girls again haha...come to think of it, girls are kinda troublesome...

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i noe it's kinda long.. but i really want to remember these things that has happened... especially being able to see lilo all the time for these 3 days..

hmmm... all pontang!?

haha... today went to school damn early sia.. as usual, hoping to see lilo at the bench. but she was not there... stayed there for quite some time den chatted with jacq a lil.. she's trying to find out hu lilo is haha... aint gonna say.

soon, i saw mishalini passed by. yay! first person going to lecture. she kinda din see me though.. as if i was invisible.. *like always* hee...den after 15 mins, carolin came... she went up to lecture too.. so there were 2... and only 2 in the lecture theatre. haha... but i kenna pao toh by u noe hu la hor... haiz.. i slowly waited for everyone to come. juz when i wanted to go home, sam came. so i asked her whether she wanted to play pool. but guess not. she's too guai. haha... jk ..aisha was there too...

we stood at the corridor for quite some time before going into the canteen. by then, it was already 9.45 and quite a number of us were in the canteen... one by one, we gathered everyone.. den we were thinking of wad excuses haha... long story la. so to cut it short, we went in the end. zzzzz....

akira called me halfway say he is coming. he reached at 10.30 plus i guess.. when lesson was ending.. haha.. after lesson, me, akira and sadiq went to bukit timah to play pool.. haha can say i on form la.. hehe... had lotsa fun. den go mac. the stupid mac was sooooooo damn hot! no aircon. and those ladies at the counter were taking their own sweet time. ask sadiq about it hahah.. especially the ah bui.. cannot tahan her... haha..

ok so we went late for rugby training.. the rest got away with the punishment accept me.. haiz. but nvm la.. next time i try not to do it again. had fun during training.. this time i got a lot of scratches.. man.. they hurt when i was bathing and whenever i move my body.. haha... but these are small stuff la..

ok i like write a lot le.. later u guys read until sian. haha...

.:Army Open House:.

ok.. let's start from the top... today i went to school real early..den as usual, i kinda hoped lilo's at the benches den can see her.. hee.. but today she not there. however, when i walked into the canteen to see the time, i saw lilo sitting at the bench in front haha... make my day ar... everyday seeing lilo around kinda gives me that comforting feeling.. real nice. heh...

so, after a while i went for physics lecture.. it was like forever sia.. neverending.. sianz.. when finally end lioa hor, luke chen come. *wah laoz* den got extra but a while oni hehe.. we keep complaining.

after that, we went to bukit timah for lunch. den we decided to go to the army open house insted of playing pool. so we skipped maths.. i had soooo much fun! hahaha... walked around, played a fool, get free stuff... oh ya.. we did the pull up thingy, den i was the lucky one who won the mystery prize out of the 4 of us who did lol! it was so lame.. so many nice exercise machines, i got the mat!! *lol* better than nothing la...

so we continued walking around and we went into this aircon area where we were able to try out those uniforms. haha.. so cool.

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haha.. i had lotsa fun with da gang.. playing a fool and all.. haha...

so after that, i juz came home.. nothing much liaoz..

I.Q

haha.. today i was late for church cos i lazy to leave the house lol.. hahaha... so after church, i went out with esther for a short while den i went home..

after a short rest, i turned on the tv and watched this show. i dunnoe why. hahaha.. the name of the show, I.Q. ok. this is a so damn cool show about love it is so funny.. hahahahahaha... it is about a mechanic who fell in love with albert einstein's niece. man.. she's so pretty.. haha..

the mechanic, in order to gain the love of albert's niece, cathrine, pretended to be a genius in physics and came out with 'cold fusion' which was juz plain hot air. haha...he was founded out to be a fake in the end but cathrine learned to love someone for who that person is.

man.. it is a really touching show. so nice to watch. i hope u guys watched it.. it is sucha sweet show.. haha.. the things that happen are juz so... nice! so sweet.. haha.. anyway, it's ending soon.. so going back to watch it. cya!

Last Day Of School!!

ok.. today is the last day of school.. but that doesn't mean anything. cos i dun have hols.. haiz.. school almost everyday, den i've got camp...

anyway, i love fridays cos of P.E. but today's warm up like physical con.. haiz... this sux man.. but we played volleyball after that. had quite a lot of fun. hahaha... den lilo's playing captains ball i presume. did get to get a few glances at her... hee.. den she was watching us play volleyball too...

after that, i slept through almost the last 3 periods.. too tired.. den finish school liaoz.. many have gone home and to bartly campus cos of 3 v 3 basketball... but, i am stuck in school cos of detention.. haiz... den went to the shuttle bus and bid akira goodbye. haha.. at that momment i kinda felt like going. but detention la..

during the time i had before detention, i kinda missed lilo. haha.. i crazy la.. felt like seeing her. so walked around the school see see if she around. but she not around. so i juz sat at the library and read about jewish mythology and at the same time listen to music..

after some time, kelvin msged me. he told me lilo's there!!(at bartly campus.) haiz.. so sad i nvr go.. regret a lot sia.. but again, detention.. man.. it keeps haunting me every friday.. i hope next week i wont have detention.. and i wont!!! wuahahahaha! it's holiday! ahahahahahaha!!! ok... silly me.. heh..

so i think i go play sp le.. later stil have net at 7.30. think i'll be back at only 9. so hope to see lilo soon hee....

everyday's a good day..

haha.. everyday seems to be a good day to me.. today had chem lecture den kenna disturb by kelvin until lke quite obvious. jasmine looking haha... i dun dare look at lilo. hmmm.. den we had fire drill. came all of a sudden. i was doing work somemore.. haiz.. den at the field, i kinda played a fool and had some fun. lilo standing. cool! heh.. can see her.

after that went for break. den on the way back, i stepped into a drain!! ah!! hahahaha... stupid school nvr close up the drains.. thank God nvr fall if not damn pai seh. heh... hmmm.. had 10 mins extra b4 saw's lesson.. was very tired.. muscles all aching cos of badminton...

ok.. after school had training.. quite fun but tiring.. akira joined us.. not bad for a first timer.. hmmm.. tackling and physical con today. haiz.. got me so many injuries... had a swollen bruise on my arm.. den got scratches on my arms and knees. den my right arm bruised.. actually when i bathe in school dat time, the bruise like dunnoe wad like tt so red and so many dark red dots all over. when i came home to bathe, better liaoz. no redness only red dots. haha... den somemore wad is suprising is tt it doesnt hurt at all!! hahaha....

den came home, played a lil sp den esther called. haha. nice to hear her voice.. so sweet and cheery.. kinda made me happy haha... nice to hear u so cheerful.. u take care k? so stop here liaoz...

Teachers' Day!

haha.. ok.. today is a really relaxed day.. nothing much i did today accept playing sp and chatting on msn. haha.... wanted to go out, but school friends all not going liaoz... den church pple, erm... brian busy. declan bai kah, jonathan stay far (i think he lazy to come lot 1), den joash.. nvr ask. mathew... dunnoe him la. haha...

so, played sp until crazy today.. den chatted with esther's mom for a while.. nice to hear esther cheerful voice again. =) also now things have been more peaceful and my mom even say that our phone bill has gone down. she very happy but she suddenly ask me why i nvr chat at night liaoz.. haha... i juz gave her excuses.. lol..

kinda wish i could have gone out for a walk or wad.. felt like playing pool but saving money is good. hah... anyway, hope everyone enjoyed their teachers' day. tml got sch lioaz. sian ar... haha.. kk see u guys tml. tc!

Teachers' Day... EvE!

today's quite a fun day.. no classes.. hahah.. teachers' day celebration. first we did the dance thingy.. kinda boring but fun... den we had a break.. kenna pang seh.. i go class, all stay downstairs. den got back GP paper.. haiz.. i got 21 upon 50... fail sia...

ok... after our break, we went up to the hall where we had to wait so long before the show started. so sian... when it started, i realised lilo was gonna sit near me hehe.. so cool.. den alot of performances... some quite nice especially krishan's perfomance. really like micheal jackson ar. den some kinda sucked, like shanna'z and the break dancing.. the break dancing wasn't too cool. but ok la. better than shanna'z. but i have to comment all of them for their hard work and making teachers' day a success. haha...

so anyway, school finished. den we went down to the community centre to play badminton with akira, sam, miyane, kailing, nicholas and some S5 guy i think. it was very fun. i like playing with sam. she like fun to play badminton with haha... oh ya.. den was kinda thinking of lilo. den all of a sudden kailing shouted lilo. i was like where!? den haha... saw her outside. almak.. too bad she nvr walk inside den can see her. by the time i went to 'look' for her, she's gone.. haha... after it all, i went to play pool with akira.. haha.. it was very fun. i have become better at it. wait till i play with the rest of u. show u my *i** power skill hahahaha.. get the secret?

so after that, came home sleep and den play sp again.. and guess, that's all... bye.